He Broke My Heart

was with my first love for almost 3 years. Everything seemed fine. We went up to his cottage, sex was good, I put so much love and thought into his b day gifts. Then in the matter of a few weeks things changed. He’s always had depression off and on and calls it “waves” he told me his depression was bad right now. He said that because of that he wasn’t a good bf and didn’t want a relationship. He had me and my family believing that was why. He became meaner and more iterated u could say? I noticed he was coming over less as well. He continued to tell me he was tired from work etc. We ended things confusingly. He told me he loved me and didn’t want to break up but didn’t want a relationship because he’s never happy so called depression. He said he’d take time to think week and a half goes by and he takes all our pictures off Instagram. I call him and asked him if he had lost feelings for me and he said “I guess so.” I asked how or why and he said “I just wasn’t feeling it anymore.” I hung up. That phone call was 2 weeks ago now. Feels like he used the “depression” as a way to leave me. It’s been 3 and a half weeks since we last saw each other. He neglected me in the end but we have a good relationship and I loved him sm. I’m sad everyday no matter how much I try to distract myself. I still have his clothes. I keep wondering if he’s happy now or misses me. I feel stupid.