Vent about my baby daddy ..

So backstory me and my baby daddy were together the first time for 5 1/2 months, got engaged and got pregnant w my son all within those 5 months. Turns out he stole from my family since he was on drugs at the time. He’s clean not on drugs anymore now except for weed but i can’t judge I smoke weed too. Anyway, we split up when I was about 4-5 months pregnant. He moved back to his home town which is about 4 hours away from me. He wasn’t really there for me how i wanted him to be for the rest of my pregnancy, wasn’t there for the birth (partly because I didn’t want him there) and didn’t meet our son until I paid for a bus to his hometown and took our son with us to meet him.. (my son was 4 months when he met my baby daddy for the first time) my son absolutely adores him and we had a great time. We ended up getting back together a couple of days ago after I was kinda jokingly telling him he wouldn’t put that he was in a relationship w me on Facebook. So now we’re officially back together and as much as i love him, idk it just doesn’t feel the same. I want us to be a family I want him to be a dad but it just doesn’t feel the same.. I told him I think we got back together too fast bc I was supposed to make him prove himself to me before we got back together and he really didn’t prove much ... he said “let’s just keep going how we are and I’ll prove myself to you I promise” I still feel kinda bitter towards him because he’s literally only met my son that one weekend I went up there and always made excuses as to why he couldn’t come to my city to see us. Mind you I don’t have a vehicle, I make minimum wage (7.25 an hour) and still paid $70 for a round trip to take my son to see him, all during COVID 19 and while my son was recovering from bronchitis and an ear infection. I also paid $50 towards the hotel room we stayed at. Idk if I’m wrong for feeling that way, I’m trying to put my son first and I really want him to have both parents that’s why I’m trying to work it out and put my feelings to the side😞 idk if I’m doing the right thing, I feel like it’s not gonna work out but I still wanna try for my son. He deserves to have both parents and be happy...