I need to vent .. ready to rip my hair out 😩 long post

I have a 1 month old baby & for some reason almost every night she cries bloody murder😩 throughout the day she doesn’t give me a hard time but once night time come i don’t why but she’ll cry on & off for about 20 minutes max.

I’ll give her the boob, she doesn’t want it, give her the pacifier , doesn’t want it I even pat her back for like 10 minutes to see if maybe she has gas.

I had got out the shower right on time before she started crying uncontrollably & I couldn’t even get dressed I was naked trying to comfort her to calm her down. 🤦🏽‍♀️

I have a 18 month old that I had to put to sleep but couldn’t because of my newborn.

Then My kids father is NO help. he’ll text me from the living room asking me what’s going on. Why the baby is crying.

Everytime she cries the way she does at night he never say let me try to calm her down, he’ll take my son with him to the living room which is the easy part while I’m dealing with the most frustrating part.. my kids father comes in the room ( since he’s mostly in the living room )& tells me If I hurt her or if I’m neglecting her, he’s gonna beat shit out of me 🙃... he is no help he’s always negative about it!! Not knowing that I tried almost everything to calm her down & Yes I’ll get very overwhelmed & frustrated but I’ll never hurt my baby, I don’t have the heart to even think about doing some shit like that!

I put my son to sleep by around 11 but since baby #2 been here he’s been sleepin more late since I be back n forth with the both of them.. it drives me crazy that I don’t get help from it that’s what’s frustrating the most to me .. I get anxiety to ask him for help cause Everytime I do it’s an excuse or I do it on “purpose” 😐 I regret having kids with him. From someone that claims they’re “experienced” because he has 2 kids from his previous relationships , doesn’t seem like it cause I’d probably be getting more help if that was the case..

& I’m starting to be convinced I’m dealing with a narcissist.. when he gets mad he’s quick to tell me to suck a dick then says that he’ll beat my dad up & tells me that’s why I got molested.. oh that’s why you got nothing going for yourself you’re not worth living” , you’re dumb just like your stupid ass mother that’s why she going to die from being depressed”.... he’ll get reall disrespectful then he has a habit of getting in my face like if he’s gonna put hands on me while I’m holding the baby.. I get so stressed to the point I’ll get this weird painful shocking sensation in my lower back life if it’s hitting my spine..

after all the things he’ll say, the next day would come & he would act as if nothing happened. I’m really tired of everything... sometimes I think about ending my life just so that he can leave me the duck alone but I don’t attempt it cause I’m way better than that. I have friends & family that cares about me, I shouldn’t let a man make me feel that way at all. I get told to leave but it’s easier Said than Done.. it’s so much more more to this but ima leave this here...

I feel so helpless