Needing hope this year has broken me 💔

Can anyone give me some hope please? This year there aren't even the words to describe how brutal & cruel life has been.

We conceived out first born after a year of trying (in the process of being investigated for infertility) we had the most beautiful baby boy Phoenix in October 19, but 5 weeks later our world was completely destroyed when we lost him to SIDS 💙

We started TTC in February as I'm 39 & the docs said not to wait, we got pregnant the first month with Pip our rainbow however we found out at a 10 week scan we had lost him & I had a partial molar pregnancy which I had surgery for and have been monitored by specialists until my HCG dropped.

My HCG returned to normal beginning of July & we were cleared to TTC again, we conceived again had early positive tests 8&9dpo but 10dpo horrendous cramps, the line disappeared & I started spotting, got my period shortly afterwards. We tried again this month and the same thing has happened early positive 7dpo, 8dpo, 9dpo then it has faded away again. So two chemical misscarriages in a row.

I've spoken with my GP who is referring me to Obstetrics & Gynaecology for further testing due to my history & age. However I'm in the UK & it's the NHS so I'm rather worried about the wait time to see anyone.

I guess I'm asking has anyone had multiple chemicals and then conceived without medical intervention?

Can anyone tell me some stories to give me hope, as without it I'm falling off the edge.

Has anyone had private investigations/treatment in the UK and can give me advice on costs?

Please help this can't be my life 🥺💔