After 3 losses, it’s so hard not to question my ability to ever carry to term. Today has not been my day, all I have been thinking about is how easy it is for me to miscarry, while for others it’s so easy to have several pregnancies and be able to carry to term. Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely happy for everyone that is able to carry to term because this is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. It just sucks that I do everything by the book, I don’t drink or do drugs. My husband and I are financially stable with just my husbands income and there are people out there having kids when they shouldn’t even be popping kids out.

It’s came to the point that there is no excitement finding out I’m pregnant anymore or even “being” pregnant. It’s just like “oh I’m pregnant again, let’s see how far this one goes”. Unfortunately, I can’t get any testing done until I have 3 confirmed pregnancies. As of now I only have 2 confirmed because one of them happened before I could even make it to the doctors. I am currently pregnant again, I want to say somewhere around 5 weeks and went in for blood work with my Hcg levels being 939 and progesterone came back normal at 18.3. I’d prefer to have all the pregnancy symptoms at their max than to go through what I am currently having to deal with. I just barely have hope at this time and feel like I will never know what causes me to have miscarriages. I feel like everything will always come back “normal” and I will keep miscarrying. I would give up anything to just be able to have the experience of hearing my baby’s heartbeat, feeling my baby move inside me, and being able to experience that excitement of carrying my baby for the first time.