Why does everyone want to have an opinion about birthing!!!

Question

Hi all, I just need to get this off my chest. 😠😡
I have had a few instances where I have been asked what my preferred method of delivery is/or how I plan to deliver my baby(from friends and family) - my answer is that I plan on birthing naturally. 
I have always had the “mantra” that I was made to do this. 
I have noticed that when I answer with “natural” , I get demonized . I feel like people have normalized the choice of c sections and have such negative reactions to me wanting to do normal vaginal birth. 
Or I get an eye roll, as if I think my choice is superior. I in all honesty feel that their negative feelings are their own insecurities about their choices that they project onto others
I have had comments like, “you will find out what it feels like to be ripped in half” and “you will be so traumatized you will never have more kids” . I have been really upset by this, and I am really trying not to let it get to me. I just get so angry.
It is my body and my hubby and I had a conversation about it to make this decision. I dont know why people feel they need to say these things and upset people. 
Trying to get rid of all this negativity , I do not like being THIS angry!

Answer

Stop talking to people about it! All the negativity is 0% helping. Half the battle of a successful natural birth is mental preparedness (imo).

Answer

I feel like childbirth is a very individualized thing. 
Some people prefer going natural, others want an epidural as soon as they can.
Some like to labour in bed; others walking; some in the shower or bath. 
Some like to be at the hospital right away, others wait until the last moment. 
Whatever you choose is what will be right for you. 
Personally I hope to go natural, or use the nitrous oxide/entonox as needed. But personally I also feel that my feelings may change in the moment, so while my plan is to go natural I’m also allowing myself the space to change my mind if I decide that is what I need in the moment :) 
Choose what is right for you, and things that you want to avoid, and let your doctor/midwife and nurses know so they can do their best to support you. 
For example things like: 
-I don’t want to be offered medication pain management, but position changes (great for assisting descent), distraction techniques, and any other suggestions you have for non-pharmacological methods of pain relief would be appreciated.
-If I change my mind at any point I would like to be the one to bring it up, otherwise please respect my wishes and do not mention it.

Answer

When I was pregnant with my first I was right at the end and my MIL and her friend basically laughed at me when I said I planned on a natural birth. Told me I’d be begging for an epidural. They both had csections. I was like my mom had all 4 of us naturally, I’ll be ok. I had him at a hospital. Natural. In 5 hours. Planned my 2nd at home. In laws were  “very concerned” that I was making a “dangerous choice”. Had him at home in an hour and a half. Due with my 3rd in 2 weeks. Planning another homebirth. No one asks me shit at this point 😂

Answer

Ugh, so frustrating. I've gotten so many "Are you insane??!!" Or "You know they can't give you an epidural at home right??" 🙄🤦‍♀️ it's honestly absurd. Like why would you want to make any woman feel crazy for how they want to birth their child? The logic is so backwards. If I was planning a hospital birth with an epidural, they'd be supportive. But because I choose something different than them they tell me I'm crazy and try to instill fear? I definitely agree that it's more something personal with themselves that causes them to deflect like this. There's really no reason for it and I feel your frustration. I just vent about it to my husband and let it roll off. Not worth holding onto that's for sure!

Answer

I have don’t it all ways, 2 c-sections, one nature birth w/ epidural, and one unmedicated natural birth. I very much so preferred my unmedicated birth. People always have an opinion and that’s why I just avoid that question. If people ask I tell them however baby decides to arrive and how ever I’m feeling in that moment. I’m 28 weeks and planning another unmedicated vbac and that’s what I tell people and I move on from the topic because quite frankly it’s not their business and it’s not like they’re the ones doing it.

Answer

Just know that the most important thing is that you bring baby into the world as safely as possible. I was just like you then needed an emergency c section and almost didn’t make it. My son was completely healthy and happy baby. That’s the most important thing. Stay positive but don’t be inflexible with your birth plan. Be open to what the doctors/midwives tell you to get your baby here safely.

Answer

Ugh that's so frustrating! I had a home birth - so obviously unmedicated - and got so many comments that were unwarranted and unhelpful. Trust yourself and your body and don't worry about the haters! They are probably trying to work through some birth trauma or something.

Answer

Knowledge is power.The more you know about why unnecessary medicalisation of childbirth can be dangerous, the more answers you will have for these people. But then in all fairness, you probably won't change their minds, in that case the best thing you can do is believe in yourself, in the absolute power of a woman's body in labour! You can do this, you were made to do this! I was in awe, and still am actually, of what my body did on the day I had my first baby. I would pay to be able to live through it again! 
I always believed in natural childbirth and was sure that was how it was going to go for me... If I ever felt a conversation going in a negative direction relative to that, then I politely but firmly shut it down. "No need for any negativity thank you! I believe in myself and we'll discuss it again after I've given birth of you want. But I'm confident enough that my opinion won't have changed!"

Answer

I gave birth naturally and it was an awesome experience. 100% would do again. 
I didn't feel like I was "ripped in half" lol, I never asked for any pain meds. Other people 100% project their own insecurities on people who chose to give birth naturally

Answer

I’m with you. Also planning to go natural and TBH I’ve seen the judgmental-ness on both sides of the camp. 
Some people yes are quick to say ‘oh you’ll change your mind when labor actually starts and you’re screaming in pain.’ From both men and women. Like yeah, thanks for the support lol. 
Then there are those that support natural birth - which is cool - but we are planning to go to a hospital - and my husband had a lot of covid concerns - so was started asking about midwives but I’m too poor to afford that lol - but I feel like once I even started THAT conversation it’s almost as if I was being ‘shamed’ for wanting to go to a hospital from people who supported natural birth. Maybe it was my perception but I felt like I was getting REALLY pressured about that. Like dude, unless you’re planning to pay for a midwife yourself then back away. Also yes I do have some concerns that I may have to be transferred to a hospital ‘anyway.’
It’s like you can’t win no matter what you know? Is it wrong to say I want a natural birth - but that I am also willing to keep an ‘open mind’ on that day? Then both camps are annoyed/upset. What’s with all the mother-to-be shaming? Can everyone just chill out lol. 
So yes completely get it. I had to reach 39 weeks this week to finally concluded to hell with everyone lol - no matter WHAT happens all will be well - not going to let everyone’s doom and gloom rain on my parade!

Why does everyone want to have an opinion about birthing!!!

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