To my birth mother. I wonder where you are and if you miss me. How is it that I am an adult myself now and still feel the pain of you leaving over and over. How could you choose not to love me. I was just a kid. Your kid. I know you are human and people are imperfect but I wish I knew how you could love one kid and not the other. You kept my brother and got rid of me. You hurt me over and over. You always let me down.

To the mom who was there when I was young. Young enough to look at you as if you had always been there. You were all I knew really. But then you had a kid of your own and found what a connection with a kid of your own was like. But I was so young and didn't understand why you stopped loving me. I lost another mom. You were always so angry at me. You taught me what hate was. You taught me that I didn't belong. You taught me that love was conditional. And now as an adult I dont understand why you couldn't at least still be there for me even if you didn't want to be my mom anymore. losing you made me feel unlovable.

And to the woman I am supposed to call mom now... You are a spectacular woman. I just wish that even as an adult you could find a way to love me like I was yours. You care and I see that but I see how you are with your boys. The love and support you give them. I'm sorry I'm so needy. I'm sorry I still need a mom.

I feel rejected and lost still. I feel left Insecure. And afraid of being left. Because no one wanted to stay or wanted me.