Crazy MIL wants to be in babies life- What would you do?

Question

Thank you so much for your feedback. This has been very upsetting, and even though it’s been a few months I don’t see myself forgiving her anytime soon. I want my distance.  But what about my SO. He is supportive of me, but it hurts him, he believes his mother is still a good person and he wishes everything would go back to the way it was before her ‘episodes’- plural.

Answer

I’m quick to cut people out of my life. She wouldn’t have had the chance to text me because she would’ve been blocked 🤷🏻‍♀️

Answer

You and your SO need to have a long talk about what behavior is acceptable and what isn’t. Then you need to have a discussion with her. If she is understanding and acts like an adult, I would start slowly by saying she can come see the baby but in your house and make it short visits..kind of work your way from there. I think it needs to be clear to your SO other this is not a three strikes and you’re out deal. If she does ANYTHING to make you feel disrespected again, that’s it. You are done. But this only works if he agrees to the terms.

Answer

I’m sorry you are going through this!! If you don’t want her in your life anymore that is OK!!! She disrespected you and said all that nasty stuff. Why wouldn’t she do that again in the future? She has no respect for you. She’s only being nice because she knows she fucked up and just wants to see the baby. But why would you want anyone like that around your baby anyways?

Answer

I had a blowout fight with my mil before I became pregnant. I then became pregnant and things with her were weird. She had apologized, but it was still weird. My husband had forgiven her. This is the way I see it...the baby I was growing was mine AND my husband’s baby. I had no reason to think that she would be unfit to see my baby just because her and I didn’t get along. I planned on keeping my guard up and if I heard or saw anything that didn’t feel right, I’d rethink my decision about her being around the baby. I think your situation sounds very similar to mine. I think it sounds like there is a power struggle between you and the mil and jealousy on both sides. It sounds like tensions rose and then she lashed out when you guys kicked her out. I didn’t see anything else in your post from previous situations that might seem toxic before this. I’d say it’s best for your husband and baby if you all sit down and talk it out and heal considering he has forgiven her and wants to reconnect. He can also lay down some boundaries with his mom. My baby is now a year old and my mil and I get along great now! Your mil’s relationship with your baby will be completely different than your relationship with her and I think she should be given a chance at a relationship with her grandchild. I definitely think you should also seek therapy if you feel you have ptsd from arguing with her to work through those feelings.

Answer

Everyone deserves a chance and baby deserves grandmother. Put your differences aside.
Life is too short

Answer

Tough spot to be in. Sounds like your SO is not ready to give up on her. Would you be open to family counseling?
Another option is he maintains a relationship with her and can bring the baby to visit her and you don’t have to go.

Crazy MIL wants to be in babies life- What would you do?

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