I'm happy for you, but sad for me.

Is this a thing? My best friend and I have been pretty much in sync with our periods just lately, I'm on, she is on, I'm late, she's late... Well that's the thing, she is a week late today, I know her so well, I knew she was pregnant before she did, I convinced her to do a test and here we have it, she is pregnant. I'm also 5 days late, I tested this morning and it was negative, I know there is still time and I tested early but I also know my body and definitely do not think I'm pregnant this time, just late.

I'm so happy for my best friend, this is going to be her second baby, but I'm so sad for me and can't help but cry.

I'm sad because I started trying for a baby three years ago, since then everybody in my friendship group has had babies, I've been that friend they all lean on in their pregnancies for support, I've took them to their appointments, been there whilst they've been in labour, I've been that friend they all needed.. And it sounds selfish but I just want it to be OUR turn... Everyone is now moving on to their second and third babies and I'm over here praying for my first. Don't get me wrong, I do NOT want a baby just because everyone else is having them, we've wanted a baby for a long time and felt three years ago we were ready for this, little did we know we would still be waiting three years on.

I have pcos and I know that it doesn't help but I just want to be a mummy so bad.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this, I just feel like I need to vent and I can't do that to my best friend because I don't want to upset her.. I'm so happy for her, I truly am, I'm just so sad for me. Normally I can just be like "it's not our time yet" "everything happens for a reason" but today I just feel like I'm drowning and I just don't know how much longer I can hold hope and pretend that it's all "okay"