I’m Really Hurting Right Now

Have you ever felt with every fiber of your body and deep down in your soul that you were meant for someone?

I’m nearly a week post break up and I don’t feel this instinct often. I’ve been through many break ups, but this one feels so foreign and so different. It honestly feels all wrong and strange. It’s very hard to get up and do things as simple as eating or even getting up to use the bathroom. I’ve never experienced this type of hurt and grief before, it feels like someone died but he’s just a text message away.

I’ve never cared if an ex remained in my life whatsoever but the thought of never hearing him or seeing him again is terrifying to me. He’s a wonderful person and I can’t bare to never see that type of light in my life again even if he won’t love me the I need him to or want to be with me.

I’m trying so hard to stop this ever persistent nagging suspicion that one day we’ll make it back to each other. Like it has to happen like this for a reason. I know it’s my brain looking for something to grasp on to, but it’s annoying as fuck. I felt this same nagging feeling whenever I would get off the phone with him or get a text and my inner monologue would mention loving him. Like some part of me was feeling something that I wasn’t ready to admit so quickly and I did shut it down at every corner until I told him finally or more pushed him to say it first.

I guess my hurt of the day would be I hate the certain feeling I’m experiencing. I’m naturally cynical and I am not banking my healing process on hope, it’ll only hurt me in the long run.

I’m not looking for advice, but more solidarity? Have you ever had this persistent feeling?