Worst fear ever came to life😢

My son is 4 weeks old and has some sort of sickness. This was absolutely my worst fear... big brother (4) came back home from my husbands mom house really whiny and cranky. I didn’t think much of it because the drive is about 30 minutes and he falls asleep in the car ride home. Well, he woke up whenever Dad was going to work that next morning just POURING in snot and a fever... at first I was thinking I’d just have him come sit in the living room and cuddle with me and the baby and then I remembered that the baby doesn’t have any immunizations!!! I’m a FTSAHM and I was totally freaking out. I had a newborn who obviously needed me and a toddler who always had mommy to make him feel better when he was sick. So, I finally got him settled with some pedialite, fruit snacks and some apple sauce and hurried and changed my clothes and washed every part of my body that was exposed. No matter what I thought i was doing right, no matter how much I changed my clothes or washed my hand and face, no matter how far apart I kept the 2, my newborn got sick. This is technically still day one of symptoms for the little guy. Last night around 1:30 he is usually up for his first feed after his first longer stretch. He gagged himself awake. I could just look at his little red eyes that he was getting sick. Then, we waited a minute or two and got to finally getting him bottle. Then I noticed he was pulling away from the nipple and then I really knew he was sick. He drank half of his usually feeding for that time, which is when I was burping him, you could just hear the snot in his little tiny nose. He started to choke on it while I was burping him and he at one point, a couple of times, couldn’t breath!! That’s whenever my mommy instinct came into effect and suctioned his nose and as soon as he was calm enough, me and my husband packed both kids up and went to the ER. The Respiratory Therapist came in and said his lungs were clear (thank goodness) but she could hear everything in his little nasal cavity. They had to get the vacuum to suction his little nose out (mind you, I wish I had that bad boy because he was a totally different baby afterwards!!) and he fell right asleep. The doctor came in and told me literally the worst of the worst case scenarios that could come from this just so I would know what to look for and when to know to either take him back or to call an ambulance. I have never been so nervous in my life!! I cannot wait for him to get his shots so he at least has some sort of immunizations. Right now, we have a cool mist humidifier, the baby swing, nose frida, saline drops and mommy’s love. I hope it’s all he needs to get over this thing and for it not to turn into anything worse! I will definitely update this post everyday or every other day to let you mommas know what is/what’s not working just in case you are in my shoes!!

*I know that some of you may say that there is worse things that could happen right now but this is my worst thing that could happen right now. I just got over the feeling of feeling like a failure to both of my little boys for even letting them get sick and even more, letting this new guy get sick so early. No matter what I did, he still got sick. I don’t see any other way I could have avoided this😔*