So I've always wanted at least two kids. I'm 30 with one son who is 17 months and me and my fiance have started talking about possibly trying for a second. However I'm having some doubts which I never thought I would. After I had my son I felt such a emptiness. My first shower in the hospital I cried because I was sad that I was no longer pregnant and didn't have that closeness with my baby in my tummy anymore.. the first year was rough because there was complications during delivery, I ended up with a csection and my son was in in the NICU for almost two weeks for seizures. He had to be on medicine and had to go to neurology appointments and it was a tough year for all of us. I suffered with horrible postpartum depression and the thought of a second child was far from my mind obviously at that point and our sole focus and continues to be our sole focus is our son. We're both starting to have baby fever but I keep having these doubts... I keep thinking about going through all the worries that I had when I was pregnant with my first and the worries of "will there be another complicated delivery?". "will the same thing happen like with my first?"... And then I get these other thoughts on how can I handle two children when one is a toddler and the other would be a newborn, could I divide the attention and how...and would I struggle to share the same amount of love as I have for my first? I have these worries and it makes me think should we have a second child? I don't want my son to be an only child and again regardless of that we both have wanted two....We want to have a girl...but I'm scared... I have tried talking to him but he just keeps telling me that everything will be okay and doesn't really help ease my fears... I suffer from bad anxiety and I don't think I ever recovered from my postpartum depression. I've started working on that however and had my first session with a therapist but it's only been one so far and he's on vacation so we're not quite at that point where I could delve into all of this so I decided to come here and hopes that others may be able to shed some light and ease the fears I have or I don't know just talk...

I apologize for such a long post by the way.