Is it normal?

Ok so I'm pretty sure I have depression but I keep convincing myself I don't. Something I wanted to ask was if thinking about suicide and death is normal, cuz like I think about my death and killing myself a lot. I'm just not sure if I'm depressed or not because I have friends that have been clinically diagnosed but I don't act like them. I swear this is not for clout so please don't be mean, I came here cuz im literally having a breakdown rn.