Due date looming

I just need to get my feelings out there.. I’m not coping recently, I found out in February I was going to be having my first baby after so long TTC with endometriosis and PCOS.. then in March I had to come to terms with knowing I’ll never meet them.. my due date is coming up (19th October) and it’s my every thought.. would they be here by now? Would I be moaning about how uncomfortable I am? Would I be in the hospital about to meet them? I’m due on my period a few days before as well so it’s just another reminder of what I haven’t got.. I feel so helpless and alone.. my partner is amazing through everything but I can’t help but feel so lonely with it all.. is this normal? What can I do to make this all go away?

I talk about them as much as I can to remember them, we called them Dumpling so I have a ‘name’.. I have a little memorial box also with just little bits like scan letters and the positive test in.. I’m just finding it so hard right now