First baby loss....

On sept 20th my fiancé and I finally got the news that I was pregnant with our first baby! All I have wanted for years was to be a mom. Unfortunately We lost our baby at 6 weeks. I knew something was wrong. I started spotting at about 5 weeks and went in to my OB. She told me it could be normal.I was to early along to see much in the ultrasound. We made a appointment for the next week to do more blood work and another ultrasound to check on the babies growth. I made it two days and the bleeding got heavier so I went to the ER. I knew something was wrong when my HCG levels only went up 400 in two days. The dr said unfortunately It’s to early to tell anything and to check again next week. The following morning I woke up to so much blood like the heaviest period I’ve had and cramping. I knew then I was miscarrying.

The last week has been the hardest week. The pain and heart shattering feeling is almost to much. I find myself angry a lot then I burst into tears. My first baby taken from me. I was so excited, I had names picked out and nursery themes, my registry was almost done. I told close family and friends. Mine and Cody’s parents were so excited for there first grandchild. I don’t regret telling everyone I did, they have been my support team. But man I wish I was not so angry. I find myself snapping sometimes at my fiancé immediately apologizing. Thank God he is understanding. I just feel so lost.

We will try again as soon as we can but now I’m so scared. Did I do something to cause this? Will it happen again? Every time I have a pain or god forbid I bleed a little how do I not freak out!? I would love some advice on how other moms going through this cope. I appreciate having a place to vent.

Picture is of the shadow box I made for our beautiful angel baby.