What to do ? So confused

Question

Me and my husband have been to together for 6 years married for 4 this year he had a affair and was planning to move out with this women and she had a misscarrage with his baby they only been together for 3 months then he came back to me to try and sort things out as we have a 4 year old girl it been 6 months now but I still think he will do again I'm so scared about being hurt I still love him so much can't be without him but I don't think he loves me and not sure he will ever will I'm so unsure what to do should I leave him until I'm better again as I have now depression which don't help trying to sort things out not sure what to do he says he wants me but won't tell me if he likes me or loves should I stay and try a little longer or should I leave I don't have family near so will be had to find somewhere to stay I want to be with him and no one else

Answer

There is no question on what you should do. Leave him and move on. It'll be hard and it'll suck but it's better in the long run.

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I would never tell anyone to leave their spouse unless they were being abused, but me personally, I wouldn't be able to stick around. I don't think I'd ever be able to get over something like that.

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He broke your trust big time. It's super hard when your heart wants one thing, but in your head you know what you should do! I'd never trust him again. Heck, after things I've seen...I find it hard to trust anyone. I was dating a guy who I liked so much!!! One day I googled his name and found his wedding registry... It's a messed up world we live in today. I think you should protect yourself and your kid. If he is worth the suffering... Maybe seek counseling. That's the best advice I can give! Sorry you're going through that!!!!

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I also made plans and went out with my girlfriends when he would come get the kids. He saw that life was moving on without him. He saw how it broke our 8 year old little boy whom adored his dad in half. The kids begged him to stay. Even our two year old little girl. This killed him and then he got to the broken place that he needed to get to when he realized that just because he didn't won't to be a family anymore didn't mean the kids and I weren't going to be a family without him. I knew this was for the best and even when I saw my precious babies falling apart. I knew in the end he could not come back into our home the way he left.  I prayed during this whole time that I was doing the right thing and believed that we would work this out. This changed my marriage for the good. We still have our daily battles to fight but GOOD MARRIAGES TAKE WORK!

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SORRY didn't mean to blow up the feed I just thought this was something that may help you. My comment starts at "It's easy to say leave him." Then you scroll up for two more comments to read the rest. 😬

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In all honesty I think you should leave, but I know that it's incredibly hard to do. I hope your heart heals quickly!

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If he can't say whether or not he loves you or likes you; I'd say hit the road. There's no reason to even try to work things out with someone unable to tell you how they feel. Sadly, I think it means he doesn't love you. Don't you think you deserve to be loved in a real and fulfilling way???....you're depressed so maybe you're unsure but I assure you, you DO deserve to be loved. Just because you love him; isn't going to make him love you. Get away from him, staying around him is only going to result in mental anguish for you. Get yourself together (counseling) so that you are healthy mentally and will be ready (strong and healthy) for a healthy relationship when the RIGHT man comes along. Stay away from him.

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We still go to counseling. Even the best marriages out there that you see are only good because they have worked hard to make them good. I never knew how hard marriage was until we almost lost it. It's worth the fight! I can't say this will work for you BUT if it doesn't you will find the strength you need to pick up the pieces of your life and your little girls life. It seems impossible now like you can't breath but you need to show your strength and he needs to see it too. Show him that you can do it without him even when you don't believe it yourself.  Go to you from someone who has been in your shoes.

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I stopped begging him to stay and for his love and affection. I helped him packed his stuff and anything I thought he may need to get him started in a new place (paper towels, plates, coffee cups, utensils and few odds and ends groceries). Mind you I had no job, in a house I couldn't afford with two kids. He was gone for 3 days again. During this time I wouldn't let him come in with kids when he came to visit I made him sit in his truck or take them somewhere. I tried to keep the house tidy with what little strength I had. I fell apart in the comfort of friends or alone but NEVER around him. He needed to know what it was going be like for real to not be a part of this family. I started actively looking for a job. I called an attorney to find out what my rights were since I was a stay at home mom. I shared all of this with him. I found strength that I didn't know I had.

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It's easy to say leave him when it's not your situation or your child involved. My husband and I recently went through something similar about a year ago. My situation was a little different than yours. It was an emotional affair that lasted 3 months. I stumbled upon his iPad one day when he went to work and left it at home. I never go snooping because I have always felt like I could trust my husband. I knew weren't in a great place but I didn't know it was that bad.  I found where he had been looking for apartments to rent. I confronted him and this is when I found out about the other woman. We had just bought a house a year earlier and have two amazing young children. This was a co-worker of his. I was so blind sided. I am a stay at home mom and I like you have no family in the area. I was broken for weeks. I lost 15lbs, my hair started to fall out all with in two weeks. I prayed for God to take my life but I knew I had to be here for my kids no matter how broken I was. I made him leave for 3 days and go stay with his mom. We were not in a financial place to afford a place for him to stay. I told him to stop talking to her or move out. He chose to move out. He came back and we tried to work on things and he wasn't really participating in counseling. I was still hurting so bad and he seemed like he didn't care. l took the kids for a long weekend 3 hours away to some friends of ours. My girlfriend gave me a book that changed my circumstances/life completely around. I love God and I am saved but I don't believe you have to go to church religiously either. The Book is by James Dobson (Love must be tough - a marriage in crisis).

What to do ? So confused

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