Venting

I feel so lonely in my relationship. I don't think i should feel as lonely as i do. Im in a relationship with the farther of my son. Hes cheated 60 times, left me to do hard drugs, denied me an abortion, im financially, kicked our son amd i multiple times, threatened to beat me, lies Constantly, and expects me to mother him and fuck him when he want.

Im financially dependent on him. If i want to start a hobby i have to ask him to buy me the stuff and then he don't. All i have here is talking to my infant son. Im board all day although its fun at times playing with my son. I took up smoking just to have something to do.

In a argument i told him we was leaving and he said he was taking my phone, walked up to me to snatch it out my hand, i put my extended leg out to stop him by putting it on his stomach, and he told me "if you kick me i will beat the fuck out of you.

Im so fucking lonely. I havent cut since i 2014 but im so lonely and want to feel something that i thought about cutting again. If i do cut, he said hell have me committed. I think he'll try to take my son from me even though he dont want to be in his life. Im so tired. IM SO TIRED AND SO FUCKING LONELY.

Upsate: we fot into a big argument and he hit me this time. Im gonna get my plans in order then leave.