Lost and confused....

Long story short(ish) I have been divorced almost 2 years. My ex constantly was cheating on me, I was always the bad guy etc.... I finally got the courage and left, I crossed paths with a guy who we had a fling for but at the time we both decide to be back with our ex’s... anyways... we crossed paths again last year, in the beginning he had said he just recently broke up with a girl (naming her Lucy) and they were still friends etc... they’d hang out. I ended up moving in with him because my ex husband still had possession of the house until our divorce was finalized. So I was at the house and he said he was going to go look at a tractor that was an hour and half away. Something told me he was lying, so I drove by Lucy’s house and low behold if his car wasn’t there... so I went back and I was just going to leave... he called me about 5 mins after I left and said he was on his way home. I knew then I had maybe 30 mins to grab my stuff and leave.... wrong. As I’m loading my car up he calls me again “hey what are you doing” me”oh nothing just getting this stuff” he was parked down in the yard with his lights off. So I ran because I knew if he came to me I’d chicken out. So he came up to me and Asked why I was leaving I said “where were you?” He kept saying I went out for dinner, then I went to get dinner and the grocery store, then he finally said he went by Lucy’s to get his stuff. Anyways I forgave him and let that be it. A few weeks later I kept catching them texting then they had a blow out and was done. Fast forward to the last few months I’ve caught him texting other women and every time it’s “oh it’s a possibility of someone who will do a threesome with us” I finally had enough and told him to stop I didn’t want that anymore because talking about kids and stuff isn’t correlated to that. Well now here we are.... I have issues with giving BJs because I was raped when I was 11. He knows that. I’ve been working on trying to do it for him baby steps at a time because I need to face my fears anyway. If I don’t do it or tell him I will and fall asleep he will start an argument and constantly hammer me as to how I made him get his hopes up and I’m wrong for it etc. any time we fight.... he just throws me down with hateful remarks. If I try to stand up for myself he ignores it. And continues to slam me down. I’ve tried leaving and when I do it’s a big shit show about how his biggest fear is to be left etc. thennnn not even all this we’ve been together over a year but he refuses to call me anything we’re “friends” that live together that sleep together etc. he criticizes my parenting with my kids and shames me for giving in when his son can do whatever he wants and he does no wrong.... I’m just exhausted. But my house is getting closed on. I put it up for sell because he wants us to build a house together. Etc etc etc. now I’m such an idiot. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have anywhere to go Im Trapped. He’s been laid off due to his work shutting down from covid almost all year. I’m paying my bills and his bills so I can’t just go get an apartment as I’m tight from being the only one working.... sorry for my rant. I just need advice and guidance.