Back in early a October or perhaps late September, my ex boy if red and I had gotten into a pretty rough argument. We had broken up weeks earlier but were still living together as it was the best option financially. I moved out of the bedroom and slept in the living room.

Everything seemed fine as we had decided that considering our situation, we should be friends.

It wasn’t until one Sunday I received a text from him saying something along the lines of

“ so you’re not gonna talk to me anymore. You’re just gonna treat me like a piece of trash?”

To which I responded something like:

“What are you talking about? I talk to you all the time. We are not together, I no longer have to respond to you with the urgency I once had to. You don’t even want to be friends- the only reason is because you still love me.”

After that, I came home and was minding my business when he came out of his room and said: “you know I was talking shit about you today, right... it’s not talking shit if it’s all true.”

I tried not to be bothered and went back to doing my nails and watching tv. He then came into the living room and sat on the couches before he became visibly irritated. This is when he started getting upset and aggressive.

(This conversation happened a while but here are some things I can recall)

“I wasted three years of my life on you... I was always there to help you but you’re mad ungrateful... you’re just a hoe- I should’ve known...you’re a miserable fat ass lumpy depressed bitch.”

At this point I became irritated because I did not provoke this fight. He was commenting on my looks and my mental health. (Both of which he knows I am highly insecure about)

As most people know, it is hard to walk away from a fight when riled up. I wasn’t as angry until he smashed my phone so hard that it looked like the letter U. (He feels entitled to that phone ever since he had to pay for the $200 damage replacement cost as he had accidentally kneed on it one time in bed shattering both the front and back) He also moved on to say other hurtful things.

He said that he hopes I have another episode and actually kill myself this time, that I should just out the window and some other things. He again commented relentlessly on how I fat a fat bitch who’s body is ugly. How I am again a washed up whore. How I’m going to be just like my mother.

That’s when I myself became extremely angry. He had brought up my mother once again who- from the very beginning of our relations helped him. He was living with his mentally unstable childhood friend as his “cousin/caregiver who caused one too many scenes at the housing he lived at. They were both evicted. Feeling bad that someone I had cared about at this point was going to be on the streets, I asked my mom if it was possible for him to stay just a couple of weeks. My mom agreed but weeks turned into months and months into over a year. He lived in my room and each month he’d pay about $200.00

Fast forward, my landlord had threatened eviction because he had been there too long and my mother had told him he had to leave. He became angry at this as he says that she never paid him back for the month. He says that she lied about the eviction as my grandfather had told hide differently in confidentially. I didn’t know who to believe- him as he didn’t really seem to lie or my mother (I had gotten rid of my beloved cat because if we were being evicted I didn’t want her to be homeless as well) who wouldn’t let me go through such pain.

Anyways, he holds a grudge over this as he sees her as fake and takes any chance he can to insult her.

I have had so many problems with him that have truly added to the decline of my mental health. I know I was far from perfect in our relationship, but he made it difficult for me to be happy.

For a while in the beginning of our relationship, he always called me a thot and whore and “if you did it to them why can’t you do it to me”

I have had sexual relationships with 7 people (the same as him just in different time frames)

He never understood my love language. He would constantly sexually abuse me by touching me despite me saying no over and over again until I got angry and then it was me being a bitch because I wasn’t like other girlfriends or I got an attitude. Or I was an old lady or that my pu**y is dry af. I hated having sex with him as I was constantly asked over and over and over again. He would call me all the time. Would turn around Immediately to see who sends a text. If I go out needs to know who with and how long. One time I was at a mutual friends party and took a Snapchat just showing the surroundings- instantly calls me to tell me how I am such a whore as I am around only men and that I am a whore.

If I go to work always commenting that I am going to cheat with a coworker (despite telling him that it’s mainly woman I work with)

If he would get angry enough after a fight he would leave the apartment fight people randomly, the proof in his wounded knuckles.

Anyways, back on track.

Anything I said was in rebuttal to the hurtful things he said to me. Except I probably felt bad saying them. He also mentioned how I am whack as fuck and that I never satisfied him and that I was dirty.

That’s when I snapped and said “I’m such a bad fuck and yet you’d sexually assault me every day pretty much to get this dirty pu**y. How about I just find someone else that will want it. How about I fuc* someone right in front of you.

(I know highly immature- I regret it)

He snapped. At this point he was so mad that his hands were shaking. “Call someone right now and watch what happens I will disfigure you.”

He then goes over to my tv and proceeds to punch it. I tried stopping him but my nails got in the way. Something ended scratching me on my leg leaving a big gash.

I became so fed up that I called 911. I reported that he had broken my tv and made me bleed.

He was yelling and my sister tried clamming him down as she didn’t want our neighbors to get involved nor any more damage as we could face eviction

He then responded that “since were all gonna get evicted might as well fuck up the whole apartment.

He grabbed a pot full of rice ready to throw it at the window but instead chose the wall. Leaving a huge hole.

He then took my keys and left but not before taking his valuables so I wouldn’t ruin them.

He posted on his snap that night that I was a “set up” as I lied and called the cops saying he hit me.

I was so on edge that whole night and days after that I couldn’t sleep without a noise scaring me.

I had my grandmother come and pick up these two insane knives that he had. They looked like they could be used in kill bill or maybe a cartel. I was scarred he would murder me.

This fight was not a singular incident. We had fought before where he broke another tv and some furniture.

Anyways, he has since apologized. He was nice enough to leave his tv to replace mine.

We were on ok terms after him apologizing and explaining that he now sees what he did wrong ( he always swore he was perfect because did all of the love he showed me- quite honestly I would say it was closer to obsession)

Anyways, I had borrowed $100 from him because when he had left mid-October, this made it difficult to make bills.

I did say I would return the money but I have just been so angry thinking about all of my things he has broken- how he has inconvenienced me in so many ways and I feel I shouldn’t have to pay him back.

When I had mentioned this he gets annoyed and says that I don’t want to mess with him. This annoys me even more as I could have not pressed charges despairs the report I submitted.

I responded saying that just $100 is all I want for the phone and other damages. ($60 I also forgot to mention he sent for the repair of the walls)

He says he will literally stop working so he can’t be sued. Or that if they saw all the money he’s sent me on cashapp he wouldn’t have to pay me.

Anyways, as you can see is a very charming man, lol.

Took super long to get to this part and my main question but I felt background was needed. I know I am not perfect and stupid- trust me I think if this each day.

But if you were me, would you feel like you owe him or does my situation not constitute me keeping the $100. If not, I’ll pay him after rent.

I just loathe him so much it makes me so angry to think we let such stupidity go on for three years.