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Question

My husband and I have been trying for two months now. Every time I bring up ovulation, and how it’s important to definitely have sex on specific days, I get “I’m too tired” or “you make this feel like a chore”. He says he wants a baby, but he’s honestly making me feel like he doesn’t give a shit. It’s not clicking in his mind that I’m more fertile during certain times. It’s like he thinks it’s just gonna HAPPEN. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to initiate sex without him “feeling like it’s a chore”? 
Even when I’m ACTUALLY in the mood he says “you just want me to get you pregnant”. Like, how is that suppose to make me feel?? Am I overreacting? I’m sorry if this post makes me seem selfish I just don’t know how to make him feel less like the way he does. Maybe not even tell him when I’m ovulating so that he doesn’t think I just want sex to get pregnant or something (even though I’m actually in the mood)?

Answer

I keep my husband in the dark about ovulation and just initiate it on the days that are important. I just test to myself and throw the tests away before he sees them and then I just make the BD fun for both of us so he never knows or has to hear about it. He’s also mentioned that he doesn’t want to know so that he can be surprised. Good luck and baby dust!

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My husband sort of reacted a similar way. It turned out he didn’t realize how getting pregnant worked 🤦🏻‍♀️. He assumed it was the same chance of conceiving all month long. It took a few months of me explaining to him how a woman’s cycle worked but he came around and realized that he didn’t know anything about my body ha.

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I don't tell him when I'm fertile. I just initiate. I try to initiate often so its a normal thing, even outside the fertile window.

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You don’t seem selfish and you’re not over reacting. My husband didn’t really understand for a while either. I got frustrated and asked him what he really wanted. I’m cool with adoption so if he wanted to have kids but not have them biologically that was ok to me but we would need to start the process. But if he changed his mind and didn’t want kids anymore we would need to have a serious discussion about our relationship. He said he did, would prefer to not adopt if we could have biological kids but he didn’t understand why it doesn’t just happen for us - basically saying we have sex each month so what’s going on. I essentially had to teach him sex ed and explain in depth the fertile window and what it meant. I also explained that since we both wanted a child I could share my calendar or he could just remember and not be weird when I told him about my fertile window. But I didn’t want that weight solely on my shoulders because it wasn’t just on me to get pregnant. Once he understood the detailed process, the statistics, and my dislike for having to shoulder the fertility responsibility alone - he really finally got it. I wasn’t the only one initiating sex and it took the burden away from both of us since we were just aware.

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I stopped bringing it up

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Get him the male version of what to expect when you’re expecting, by Adrian kulp! Read the conception chapter to him. My husband shaped up real quick when he read it & understood: he tracks my ovulation as well now & is all in.

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I seriously read this as if I wrote it! Took the words right out of my mouth, girl! You’re definitely not alone. It should be exciting, not this stressful! I’ll be reading the comments for advice on this 😅

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Girl, same. I had been telling my husband for two weeks when my most fertile days were. Dec 1 and 2 came, and we didn’t have sex and I heard all the excuses in the book. 
It’s heartbreaking and frustrating. 💜

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