Please hear me out. I am having concerns about who to allow in the room during birth. If not obvious, during covid lockdown only maximum of 1 if any other than the mother and caretakers are allowed in the room.

Heres the catch:

Not to be ungrateful of the ability to have the other parent in the room, the issue personally is that I have many reasons as to not feel safe or supported by the person who I conceived a child with. We broke up before the awareness of this child on its way, and given I am at 17 weeks now, and the relationship has not gotten any better in any regard. In fact his instability is as strong as ever. He is dealing with mental health issues, and I've been super transparent with my and his family about these struggles. His family, naturally, is asking me to please include him in prenatal appointments, with the assumption that he will be the one person I choose to have in the room with me. We were able to have one ER prenatal appointment where he was present (14 week fainting episode but all is well), and this was before massively huge relational uncertainty issues arose, but even then, I was so uncomfortable with his interaction with the doctors. He from my perspective was being somewhat disrespectful as they expressed over and over they are not legally permitted to share the gender, and he would not take no for an answer. He went as far as to say that he needed the "control of knowing" (verbatim) to them directly. I was just doing deep breathing exercises and did not verbally intervene, due to the stress it was bringing me

I did however mention to him after how that was a really uncomfortable approach to information for me, where he reacted emotionally unsafe, participating in verbal degradation of himself, I asked him to stop and he stormed out of the ER room to go get a monster energy drink....(mind you one of our relational bonding matters were health and nutrition, this was entirely out of character for him).

Long story short, I feel like naturally it would suck to not have him present for such a crucial life moment regardless of his mental health issues. The problem is that I am feeling highly unsafe with him as he has reacted with anger consistently upon me calmly setting boundaries, and making accusations of me seeing other people and lying to him when I have overextended myself to give him more than what is necessary to help him see me clearer (I'm not doing anything that would even realistically create these concerns, in fact these things are not even a thought for me given where I am in life)

Emotionally, I feel like I am overcoming so much. I am overcoming any feelings of dependence on the father for better or for worse. This is a far from ideal situation but I am at a loss with his emotional and mental instability and have to really keep that at Bay more to honor my own feelings and emotions during this once in a lifetime experience (first babe)

Is it primally appropriate to set that boundary so that I can have as much calm and relaxation possible during birth?

Which name do you like best?

Let's Glow!

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