I'm not gay but....

I just went through a really hard divorce. To get stuff off my mind I went to this bar to drink. It was on a week night so I knew it wouldn't have a lot of people so I could social distance. There were like 10 people in this bar and I started drinking. Then thai girl bought me a drink. She was really nice and started talking to me. I was a little tipsy so I told her about my divorce and she asked whatade me come to a gay bar. Well I wasn't aware of THAT until she said that. She laughed and talked to me the rest of the night. We exchanged numbers and continued to hang out. There were times were she would hit on me and I'm like "Arw you hitting on me?" And she would say "Just some light flirting, I know you're straight." She is such a fun person to hang around with. My ex husband would have never let me hang out with her because he hates gay people with a burning passion. He has said we should have a second holocaust but get rid of all the "fags". That is who I spent 14 years of my life with. I married him when I was only 18 and he was 34. It was so toxic. He was verbally abusive. When I was pregnant he got drunk and mad at me and pissed me down the stairs. I lost the baby. He told me he was sorry and it was an accident.... He cheated and gave me and STD that left me infertile. Then he left me.... He was all I knew since I was 15... But being with her... Made feel things... Things my husband has convinced me were wrong. She has been there for me since we first met at the bar. Last night I got drunk at home and called her crying saying I needed her. She came over and I hugged her and kissed her. I had never kissed another women before. She just made me go to bed because I was drunk. She told me today she understands I was drunk and I didn't mean to. But maybe I did... I'm really confused. How can a straight girl fall in love with another women. I can't be gay... I spent 14 years of my life with a man. But these past few months of being with her I feel this connection and longing for her. I hate how confused I am. I'm 30 and should know who I am, but I have no idea who I am...