Porn question

Hello I have a question.

Recently my boyfriend of 2 years who I live with has expressed a few things to me.

Some of of things I cannot get over.

On thanksgiving morning my boyfriend came out of the bathroom and I was getting a little frisky with him I touched his underpants and I found sperm in his underpants I confronted him about the sperm in his pants(there was a lot enough to say wtf is this bro)

He then confessed to me he has been reading about other woman’s sexual experiences and watching porn behind my back. He promised me a year ago he would never do this. I told him about my past, opened up all the scary places I never thought I would with anyone, I told him my insecurities and issues, I told him my dark secrets, my fears, my life and what has taken place, my pain, the way my ex hurt me. I couldn’t believe he lied to me. I told him it’s the equivalent of cheating to me and he said no it’s not. I said yes it is and it just kept going on.

When I tell him I’m hurt and I need time to heal and I said I’m very hurt and he then says well if we talked about it this wouldn’t have happened. I feel like he justifies it. I told him I was uncomfortable and everything.

He told me that porn is normal and that everyone watches it when their single or in a relationship. I told him I am not comfortable with that. He then asked me why I told him because I don’t like you looking at other woman that way and then proceeded to say that not normal that’s jealousy. He then proceeded to tell me again I’m not normal and saying this is not normal and then he again asked me why? And then I said because of my conservative religion and he said you don’t follow the other parts of your religion why is this all of a sudden important to you? I said because I try to be the best I can religious wise. He then said that’s nothing normal. He constantly gaslights me. I told him a few months ago for the first time that he gaslights me and he said I’m so sorry I did that but when I told him about this and how he’s gaslighting me he said no I’m not I’m just making/helping you understand me.

I’m so so so lost my friends and family want me to leave him. They’re really worried about me. There’s a lot more to this relationship but this is something that came up drastically.

Sorry it’s scattered I haven’t slept all night :(

Oh and he also says it’s ok to masturbate more than have sex with your partner. He told me he’s bored of sex in general a week or two before I found out. He said he feels guilty after sex.

He gaslights me so much I’m so fucking lost please help. I cannot sleep because I’m so fucking lost please someone help!

If you’re also wondering yes I’ve tried to break up and leave but he starts to cry and become scary. I love him so much and I want to try every time. When I also tell him let’s end this he says you’re giving up on us. How could you give up on us? He says I know you’ll go through anything to be with me? Then I asked him does that mean you’ll put me through anything, he said no and he changed the subject

I don’t have a place to go I recently got my drivers license I have a car and a job.

My brother is physically and mentally and emotionally abusive. 3 years ago my dad died so my mom lives with my brother my niece and his wife. My sisters have their own issues and I don’t think it’s a healthy environment for me there either. My oldest sister is married 3 kids with a kind of a abusive husband my middle sister is divorced but she’s trying to make ends meet in a small 2 bedroom apartment with 2 kids, 12 and 13

Please again sorry for it being scattered :) thanks