My first year of college was near perfect. My first year was paid off by my grades in high school, and I even got a refund check for $2000. I moved into the dorms with my best friend and ended both semesters with A’s. Second year was also pretty good for me and I got my first car. But my junior year in college, I overworked myself and with 3 jobs, full time student, involved in 3 on campus clubs, and a part time job at home on the weekends. My first semester of junior year I did pretty well for managing all that but the next semester I dropped 2 of my jobs and 2 clubs because it did feel overwhelming.

Well the end of my junior year I switched my major to accounting and so my first semester as a senior, I completely bombed 3 of my classes. I’ve never failed a class let alone 3 and I became closed off and soon became depressed. I stopped taking care of myself, couldn’t eat or sleep, missed classes and so entering the last semester of my senior year I knew I wouldn’t graduate and even though I switch my major again since obviously accounting wasn’t for me, a lot of my credits didn’t transfer so I knew I wouldn’t graduate with the rest of my friends. I dropped out that semester and soon after college I lost my job and hit the lowest point of my life. And so I became suicidal.

I began to see a therapist and I feel like it helped me stop being suicidal but it definitely did not stop my depression. This all began in 2018 and I am still not happy with my life. This new year is coming and I was supposed to move out with my bf to a new apartment but we just got denied because of my credit. I owe $15k for dropping out of college and my scholarships didn’t cover it because I failed my classes. And I’ve tried doing payments but they want $300-500 every month which I can’t afford.

Now I’m feeling suicidal again because next year my bf wanted to propose so we could get married in 2022 and start planning our life but I can’t because my college mess is ruining my life. I’m currently living in my parents basement which they said would be temporary and I have no where to go. I need to talk to a suicidal hotline because if I die so does my debt and all my other problems caused by my depression