Sexless marriage?

PLEASE BE KIND! Marriage or not, it’s natural to feel conflicted when issues like this arise so I’m seeking help where I hope no one will judge but give advice.

I have been married for 7 years and have 3 lovely kids under the ages of 6. When our first child was born, our sex life dropped drastically. I remember not being able to cope because intimacy is my love language. I went through a phase where I felt that my husband didn’t desire me anymore but he did, we just had the worst schedule. I spent the night with my baby so my husband could sleep peacefully through the night and be able to work the next day. He’d get home around 7pm and proceed to make dinner and do chores while I watched our baby.

That went on for a year and we’d have sex a few times when we could. When our oldest turned, everything became better but then I got pregnant within that year. Now with multiple kids and him working, I studying and running a business. He’s always so busy with everything and he worries a lot about everything. This also affects our sex life because he can get it up when he’s stressed or have something important to do. We just never have time and if we do, it’s so rushed to the point that I just mentally prepare for sex so he can get off. I’m usually not ready and nervous and it’s just all wrong.

I’ve tried to schedule and look sexy but he’s a vanilla type of guy and just wants me naked. When I dress up, he thinks it’s silly or laughs which makes me so uncomfortable. I’ve just lost myself and I feel so unsexy. I didn’t realise how bad it was until I started blushing when one of my child’s teacher complimented me. I’ve been staying away from their school because of this. I’m so scared of crossing any lines because I’m so desperate. I don’t even know the last time we kissed. Probably over a year ago. I’ve spoken to him about it and he tries the first week and then it’s back to square one and I don’t want to pressurise him.

I don’t want to be in a sexless marriage either and I know that’s not the only important thing in a marriage but I rather leave than hurt him by cheating. It’s also my own fault cause I’m so insecure and so scared of being freaky like I used to be with my previous partner.

Btw he can go months without sex and be completely fine whereas I can’t. I do now because I have learned to suppress everything but in the beginning, It was awfully hard!!

What can I do? I just want him and him alone but I feel like I’ll have to wait many years before he’s sexually available for me.

(PS: he’s older than me and has tried everything so everytime I’ve wanted to try something I’ve never done, he’d shoot it down and tell me why it’s practical or exciting as it looks because “been there done that”)

What can I do? Sorry for the rambling and not making sense, I’m a mess.