Feeling ugh

My hubby and I have been trying to conceive since early March. Than Covid came and my world got turned upside down. My work schedule changed completely, sleeping and eating habits had to change with it. All that caused my cycles to be off. Than everything changed back to pre-Covid status when work resumed back to normal in late May. Nothing in hubby life changed.

We started again. Than he started having erectile issues. Sometimes no matter how much foreplay he couldn't get it up at all, sometimes he became flaccid during sex. When it happened he'd just walk away from me. He'd act like I didn't exist. He told me he doesn't have that issue when he watches porn. Now I just feel unattractive, and unloved.

I feel like having a baby shouldn't make you feel like this. I feel like there is nothing beautiful or meaningful about trying to conceive anymore. My ob/gyn suggested going to a fertility specialist. Our counselor said we should wait until Covid calms down a bit. I'm going to be 36 in February. I already feel I maybe too old to be a mom how much longer do I wait? I waited for the right guy until I was 32. I waited until I got married at 33! How much longer do I wait? Should we even play this game anymore? I'm so confused and conflicted. Hubby just says, "I could go either way" when it comes to having a baby. Ugh.