Okay so my whole life I've been the oddball... And absolutely hated/disliked/disowned for it. I was always the odd one out like I got picked on growing up from my family bc I wasn't like the rest of them and still today as an adult it happens to me. I have never tried to wrong anyone I can honestly say I am a nice person and try to love everyone and especially lately I've been trying to be the best Christian I can be and it really hit me just now that the whole reason why (even before I knew what being a Christian was) was that God meant for me to be that oddball. And you'd think oh the odd one is the cool one but no lol. Like when there is a group of people (mainly females) I end up being the one who doesn't fit in every. single. time. Even growing up I constantly wondered how to be less annoying or less ugly or more like someone else bc I hated that I couldn't be included in things or whatever. Still today I don't act "myself" when I see my family (which isn't super often) I'm shy and quite and awkward bc I'm scared of judgement but I'm learning that no matter what whether I act myself or not it won't change anything or anyone else's view of me so why not just be who makes me and God happy and roll with that no matter who I am around. I do wish I realized this sooner bc now as an adult I still wonder how I can seem "better" but I don't need to be better for other people, bc I am genuinely empathetic and loving (I try). But only for God do I need to be better. My whole childhood, teen years and now a fraction of my adulthood has been spent wondering how to fit it how to be perfect how to be special in a good way but idc anymore. I will always be different and people will always have something to say about it and I'm okay with that. I don't mind being excluded anymore a matter of fact I prefer it bc that's what makes me different. I know I'm a good person and so does God and as long as God is proud of me, I can be content.