I’m just overwhelmed and sad.

My bf is my first real relationship and sometimes comments he makes or things he does makes me sad and insecure like checking out other girls, comparing my body to fitness girls (I’m trying to get there it’s just hard when I have gym anxiety and lack of education on workouts)

Anyway it kinda sucks. I try to remember he is trying to motivate me and help me with my fitness goals. And I also simply need to communicate w him.

School isn’t even stressing me which is a fucking first. I finished everything and got good grades.

My family is a fucking mess. Mom and dad been separated for two years. Dad sucks as a parents n husband but he’s a good person. Doesn’t mean it just not good w communication and.. idk.

Mom cheated so she’s off and on w that dude having him around. He’s also a good guy just too soon n too weird to have him around randomly. My moms depressed. She is not straight forward with my dad. She says she needs space and wants to be alone. My dad tries to hold on tho he’s so desperate to be w her. So he comes over to walk our dog or go food shopping or dump runs etc. my mom is enabling him by saying yes to all that and letting him .. and she gets confused and annoyed that he’s still around ? LIKE WTF tell him no. Follow your damn words w actions.

I feel bad for both of them. My dads depressed too. My brothers at college and stays away from the fam as much as he can. We are barely a family at all. I’m stuck in the middle of everything.

My dads house is a mess and when I’m there we don’t talk cuz he just is on his phone. No food. No couch to sit n watch tv. And I try to make convo but it takes sm effort.

I’m mostly at my moms. I feel bad but it’s just too much at my dads.

And I’m done with this situation. I hate that I e had to try and pick up the pieces the last two years and that’s not possible cuz it’s not my mess to clean. So there’s no way for me to fix it if they aren’t trying.

I wanna move out but I’m a broke college student.

Work is killing me w night shifts and the residents are mostly moody fucks. My boss is a bitch. Ugh.

It’s just every part of my life it feels like somethings wrong or just so negative and I’m so sad and tired of everything.

Can’t see other friends or family cuz covid. Also cuz my friends have their bfs they’re obsessed w and only spend time w them. And to be fair all our schedules are so so busy and never match up. Just stinks cuz they only reach out to me when they need something. And I do miss them and when things were good.

Sorry for typos or if something didn’t make sense. Also sorry for ranting ab this when I shield be thankful I have family and friends and a bf. Especially during Christmas ssn and w covid taking ppl away.

It’s just everyone needs to rant sometimes I guess and I’ve been feeling shitty for the last 3 years.

TW

Everyone’s committing suicide in our district too. It’s all so so fucked around here.