I really need some advice.

A little back story- my fiance’s son is 9 years old. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and Oppositional Defiance Disorder. He also is lightly on the spectrum for Autism (has not been officially diagnosed though).

My fiancé and his ex (this son’s mom) had an EXTREMELY bad relationship. They were both abusive and split when he was 2. Since then, my step son has bounced around between his mom’s, dad’s and grandparent’s home. I met him when he was 5 and he has struggled A LOT since then. He has fits of anger, his communication is so delayed (he acts like a 6 year old), and he just struggles with so much.

His mom has him 5 days a week and we live with him on the weekends because we live 2 hours away. We try to make our home healthy and happy, but my fiancé does have a temper with his son which is extremely hard sometimes. Anyways. My stepson has wet the bed ever since I met him. He has a bathroom right next to his room, but maybe every other weekend he wets the bed. We also have noticed times where he is crying hysterically in his sleep. We try to talk about it but he never wants to talk.

His mom won’t get him in therapy and my fiancé is so blinded and thinks he will just grow out of this, but the kid needs help. As someone who is not his biological parent, what can I do? I have a 2 year old daughter with my fiancé and she is thriving and way advanced, so this all is making me really sad to see her brother struggle so much. I also worry my fiancé may be part of the problem because his temper does create some problems and I don’t want it to affect either child.

I appreciate any advice you can give because I’m so lost.

Signed,

Tired mama