Please send me encouraging words.. I am aware of the blessing of a child and am very grateful. Guilt is already heavy in my mind so I do not need any misjudgments....

Now to the venting ...

Feb 14th 2020 I miscarried and was expecting a boy. I am very spiritual in the sense I always said he will come back to me.. for years I’ve dreamed of a bby boy (literally) I call him my guardian angel because during tough time I could see his aura shine around me a bright green orb. I definitely fell in love with this baby boy and even name him and formed a bond through spirit. Praying and waiting patiently until we would meet again on earth..

Dec 17 2020

19 weeks

I go in to a private clinic and was told by the technician my baby’s legs were closed so she suggested for me to release my bladder in the lady’s room. Came back shorty and let her run some more gel on my belly. Then she said it’s a girl! My eyes welled up with water and I must of looked shocked/terrified because she immediately asked if I was ok ( as if I was about to faint laying down already) my partner was shocked but we still felt so love and excitement seeing our baby move around the baby was even doing a head stand.

I wanted to cry! My partner hugged me and I could see he was happy deep inside wanting a to have a daddy’s girl. Once I got home I ran in our room and balled my eyes out and stuffed my face with a large order of fries ( salty and greasy) I literally went into a food coma lol I didn’t have a class of wine but those fries definitely gave me the effect of a nice sangria

ANYWAYS I told myself a little goddess is going to be a gift I’ll never want to give back

BUT at 5:00am I woke up crying remembering the fact I will not have a son and thank god my partner had his emotional intelligence hat on so he said all the right things and stroked my back.

The denial!!!!

I’ve made another appointment to make sure of the gender. In my soul I know there’s a baby boy in me. My partner says he believes our son will come after our daughter. I want my son now( I know I’m in a mood please bear with me). I want my Taurus baby boy I was so excited to have a mamas boy that adored me.

Please let me know your thoughts and if you’ve been through the same or something similar.

Do you think the ultrasound maybe wrong

How do I get pass this

Please let me know how you felt after giving birth to your daughters. I need to feel the feeling especially if it is a girl because I’m not going to have my baby feeling unwanted in my womb. I just don’t believe I’m having a girl.

Advice????