My brother has been fighting pancreatic cancer for 2 years now.

Everything has been going well until recently. Past two years he continued to impress doctors by beating the main tumor dead and killing the cancer in his liver. He was able to get the Whipple surgery

But 2 months after the Whipple it came back in his liver.

He did aggressive chemo but for some reason chemo doesn’t work the same after the Whipple, not for sure why.

In October he quit chemo and began getting ready for trails. But he ended up getting food poisoning from sushi, he ended up in the hospital for a week. The IV antibiotics delayed trails by 4 weeks. He began to get worse and worse because the cancer was spreading by being off of treatment. He grew weaker.

Now he’s unable to take the trails because he only weighs 105. He can’t sit up anymore. His cheeks are sunken in and he struggles to talk.

I’ve been in denial about his pending death because I don’t want to lose my big brother

It’s hard to watch someone waste away. I don’t know if can watch him die, feels like my insides are crushing. This will probably be the last Christmas with him. I don’t really have emotional support system. I have to be strong for my parents. And he hates crying and doesn’t want us to worry. It’s hard to keep a poker face in front of him.

They are talking about hospice coming in and making him comfortable for passing. But he doesn’t want that, he wants to continue to fight but he’s just too weak for treatments.

I wish I could trade my life for his. He has a 5 year old and a 2 year old. I don’t know if I am strong enough