Hi everyone. I’m a single mom on welfare. Last year, I managed to escape an abusive relationship with my son’s father; my son is with me thankfully.

Prior to pregnancy, my exhusband denied me work, didn’t allow me to leave the home and controlled every aspect of my living. I could not communicate with anyone properly and he limited finances for me. I was just to be a housewife. That was my ‘purpose’. I clearly gained weight from sitting at home too much since I had a very active lifestyle prior to this. If I attempted to exercise at home, the psychological and verbal sometimes physical abuse would start, so I stopped. Kept gaining. Once I got pregnant, I gained even more. And the abuse continued. The mix of abuse, pregnancy, depression, stress and inactive lifestyle sadly made me gain 57kg (125lbs).

I am again, lucky to have escaped that horrible situation. But given now I’m a single mom on welfare, my son is not in day care, I am unemployed, and avoiding being out too much due to pandemic, I’ve sadly maintained this weight and gained 2 more kilograms (4.4lbs).

I feel also mentally just torn. I went from very active to very inactive.

I tried changing my diet but unfortunately, given that I’m on welfare, we don’t get much choice when it comes to healthy options.. especially here in Japan. Healthy food is usually 3-4 times more expensive. Apples? $3/piece. Salad mix? $15. And when you want to prep a salad on your own, it totals out to the same price. Protein shakes are about $50/tub.

Sons not in day care cuz they are all full to capacity in my city. And the private ones either don’t accept welfare recipients or refuse me for being unemployed or being a foreigner.

I don’t know what to do, I’m really sad. I’ve tried accepting my current appearance but honestly I can’t. I want to be the healthier happier me again.. :(

I’m sorry for the vent. If anyone has any suggestions. Please I welcome them.