I’ve come far a LOT of ways these past two years but I was just looking back on old photos and never realized how bad my acne was during this horrible time.

I was in a toxic manipulative relationship, on and off for three years. It had drained me emotionally, so badly. Toward the end of the relationship my acne was getting so bad (stress and hormones for sure)..I was still living with my parents at 22 and was planning a big move across the country. Without my bf at the time. I didn’t have a steady job and my boyfriend was taking up my entire life. He was schizophrenic, had bipolar and severe depression. I tried every day to help him..it became my life mission. So much so that I was sacrificing my own mental well-being for him. Only for him to push me away everyday by telling me he doesn’t love me anymore simply because he wanted me to beg for him. He pushed me away every day to get the attention he wanted. And I kept falling for it. I cried over him every other day, literally. I’d drive him to job interviews only for him to quit a week after getting hired. I encouraged him all I could, begged him to take his medication and he still wouldn’t. Begged him to go for walks or try in any way to help himself and he never would.

Anyway, I think all the stress and emotional toll really came out in my skin lol

Now I know it’s definitely not as bad as some others I’ve seen but for me it was because I have never dealt with acne in my life. I didn’t even know what to do but every day I was getting another painful breakout. It was annoying but I remember not even having the mental capacity to be self conscious about it..because I was so tangled up in trying to save my boyfriend’s life. Looking back I know I was self conscious but I was just too drained to care.

I finally ended things with him shortly after this when I reached my breaking point. I moved across the country to a state where I knew no one. I tried to keep in touch with that ex but he was still so toxic to me that I couldn’t even enjoy my life in my new home. My roommates saw the torment he was causing on me and begged me to cut him off. So I did. For good. I started exercising again, made so many new friends on my scary new adventure and got a job that I loved and made me thrive. And just over a year ago I met the most amazing guy who is now my boyfriend and is living with me. We just completed our first marathon and we’re continuing our running because it’s so beneficial to my mental health. For the first time I feel like I’m just in the right place in life. And when you’re happy on the inside..it shows on the outside.

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk. Please take the time to take care of yourself and if you’re in a relationship that drains the hell out of you, I hope you recognize it and grow!! Self care is so important and itsmore than just bubble baths and face masks it’s making sure you’re looking out for yourself and your mental health. You can’t give from an empty cup.