We've been together for 4 years, many ups and downs. After a while I started noticing that he isn't into my vagina, but I though I should give him time to get more comfortable. After 4 years it became a huge problem for me and I don't know what to do (I am on edge of leaving).

I am fairly attractive, always clean, I wax it all, I wear lingerie, good diet (nice skin, smell etc). I take very good care of my body. I shower multiple times a day. There has never been an issue with hygiene. I have a nice vagina too (not too in, not too out - not that there is a bad vagina in my opinion) and I go to my obgyn often for tests (no infections yet etc).

Ever since the beggining he would be very hesatant to finger me, so I never forced him to. If he did it accidentally (like his finger slipped inside) he would instantly pull it out and wipe it off (from a shirt, bedsheet - whatever fabric is closest) - (Like my juices are some kind of disease). It made me uncomfortable so I only asked to be touced with my underwear on. And whenever I asked or stated that I want more of that "over underwear touching" he would do it once and then forget about it for months.

Next, eating me out. He has done it with one night stands and all of his previous relationships, so when he offered to try it with me after half a year of dating I was delighted. I enjoyed it so much as it was my first time ever and told him that. It was the best feeling ever. He promised he would do it often... but didn't. After months of begging he would do it once and with a look of disguist. This past year (2020) I only had it once.

The thought of not receiving oral in my life is so devastating to me. I cry myself to sleep at night wondering why he is so disguisted by my vagina.

He never wants to look at it. He never wants to touch it. I've had the conversation multiple times and he tells me out of all his partners I taste, look and smell the best. Then when I ask him to pleasure me he gives me excuses and forgets or drags it for months (tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow).

I don't know what to do. I am thinking of leaving because I'm tired of wishing something that is so normal for the majority of women in relationships. I get so jealous of reading other people stories. I get so heartbroken thinking i don't deserve it.

Yes relationships are not only sex, but damn do I wish I could experience oral.

Updates:

- on why I shower so much, it's usually 2-3 times a day, mostly because I exercise daily and I work in a dusty warehouse 5/7 (I work in a clean office, but have to check deliveries etc in the warehouse). So, once I wake up so I could wear clean clothes to work and wake up, once I come back from work, and after the gym. But I also love showers.

- on sex. We rarely have sex anymore - past year (we used to have a lot of sex before) and it's because I started hating it. He is the one usually initiating, but fails to realize that I need foreplay or any type of warmup, so he'll often times just put it in dry and everybody knows it's not fun. If I initiate he's either not in the mood or it's still dry sex.

- my dryness is probably because he is so selfish in bed and never even tries to make me orgasm so my body probably figured out that being horny will get nothing and false hope is pointless and painfull.

I don't want sex anymore. I find it hard orgasming from penetration, let alone without any foreplay, I need him to give me oral. Please don't judge me I'm trying my best.

He always gets his orgasm though.

And yes, we have talked a million times, he just doesn't care enough to remember (no hints, I am always forward with him) even though he keeps saying he does and keeps promising. The issue won't get better, I've done everything.