I’ve been through quite a bit of trauma in the past five or so years and feel I’m no where near the same person I once was. Nor do I think I would be who I am today if what happened to me didn’t happen.

I don’t even really remember how I was really just 7 years ago other than just being pretty happy and oblivious to a lot of things. I’m kind of glad I don’t remember much because I think I would try to go back to how I was once was, when I can’t really go back because so much has happened and changed me.

My trauma has changed me in good ways and in bad ways.

Bad ways- I have worse anxiety, worse depression, have a lot of body image issues, have body dysmorphia, have trouble trusting not just others but also have trouble really trusting myself even when it comes to my own emotions/feelings and some other things that I can’t really think of at the moment.

Good ways- Even though I have trouble trusting others, it’s something that’s helped me because I was once WAY too trusting of people and that would backfire on me, A LOT! Not trusting others completely has also helped me start keeping appropriate boundaries with people and really listen to what my gut is telling me(even though sometimes I still doubt it). Even though I have worse anxiety and depression, I have enough will to get the help I need and not feel like I’m a weak person for getting it. I have body image issues and body dysmorphia but am slowly starting to learn how to love myself and learn how to accept that I can’t really change my body, but can change how I view it just like how I’ve changed how I view my life and other little things. And even though I have a lot of things to work on and recover from, I know I’m not a weak person anymore and am strong; Because I’m still living.

I also would like to add that I know not everyone that goes through trauma has the same mindset I do, which is 100% fine and 100% valid and don’t like to think about what they’ve really been through. But I wanted to I guess confess how it changed me personally because I’m proud of myself and the path I’m going down. Especially since at multiple points, I hated the path I was on and just wanted to stop walking along that path all together and never try and get over the hill to see the suns brightness again and to feel the warmth from it and just continue to stay in the dark, cold path I was on. But I have gotten to see the sun again and am starting to feel it’s warmth again; I’m grateful I’m still alive to feel it slowly surround me with it’s warmth once more.