This have been so hectic with my child’s father from catching him

Talking to his ex and trying to say they just friends to having my sister catching him talking to girls at a party and today I decided to remove my self from him I’m so scared to have this little girl and have to teach her to love her self

When I’ve been feeling so down and depressed and insecure dealing with him and his shit how do I not seem ungrateful to god cus I feel blessed but not be negative with all the bs around me any co parenting advice will help I don’t want him in the delivery room due to my feelings but I don’t want to seem like a bitter mom cus that’s a special moment for both of us as parents ladies please help anything will help