Lost teen...please give me advice

So I am in love with this one boy who’s my age, but I’m not entirely sure if we’ll ever become more than just basic friends because he ghosted me after starting to catch feeling sum in every he doesn’t wanna get hurt again. I’ve been thinking of him non stop for the past 5 months, but sometimes I get into such a bad depressive mode (I’m bipolar) that I do anything to make myself feel better...this includes making out with an older romantic interest who was let free and came back 2 months later. I know that if guy #1 were to call me and mention a relationship, I wouldn’t hesitate, but I also know that I can’t help but give into guy #2 because I will always have feelings for him and he just gets my mind of things. I have cried kissing him I’m because he wasn’t the guy I wanted to be kissing at the time, and I’m guilty of thinking about the other when we are kissing, but I don’t know how to stop impulsively acting with guy #2. Please help! I hate myself even more after it all knowing that there’s 2 guys I love, but I’m only in love with 1.