So much guilt

When I first found out I was pregnant with my 2 month old. I cried. I didn't want to be pregnant. I didn't want another baby. My mental health was pretty bad. I was pretty convinced that my 4 yr old was the only reason I keep going. I remember hoping I'd want the baby after the first heartbeat, first ultrasound. Nope, after the first kicks, nope I still wasn't happy about having another baby. I was in the last month of pregnancy and still hadn't felt much for the baby I was growing inside of me. I love being a mom, so feeling this way made me feel so scared. I never want a child to feel unloved. My husband and I got into it about getting prepared for the baby. My husband always putting things off. I yelled out "I didn't even want this baby, you did." He made me feel horrible about it and threatened to tell our child about it one day. From the moment they laid him on my chest and he looked up at me content, it was love at first sight. I finally loved him. How horrible that sounds, that I finally loved my baby. I knew the moment I brought him home to meet our oldest our family was complete. He's exactly what I needed in my life to be happy. He's 2 months old and every time I look at him I'm overwhelmed with love and than the guilt trails along. I can't imagine life without him. I love waking up to that face. It's not obligation to love him like I thought it was going to be when I was pregnant. I love being his mom. I hope I can get passed the guilt of how I felt while pregnant with him.