When do you know?

Hi so this is long, bear with me!

My fiance and I have been together for 4 (almost 5 years) and we have 2 kids together. We both suffer from anxiety/depression and addiction (both in recovery - me 12 years him almost 4).

Anyways - when we have a fight or I need to talk to him about something he basically just shuts down for 3 days. Lays in bed and doesnt help me with the kids or anything. So then that leads me to not talk about things that are bugging me because I don't want to be on my own again and be walking on eggshells. We were in couples counseling and that helped but then with Covid and moving we stopped going.

I got to my breaking point and I said it was counselling or breaking up and he agreed to counselling asap. We just had our appointment yesterday and i let a lot of things out. He basically said he doesn't feel like he's the guy I need to be with but he wants to be and wants to fight for us. Our counselor said he needs to see his own counselor (I have my own therapist as well) because he needs help outside what she can do.

Fast forward to last night and today - he hasn't left the bedroom and this is exactly why we need counselling and I can't "just talk to him".

I can't keep pushing my feelings and emotions aside for fear of him shutting down every time and he needs to get help. But I also love him and don't want to give up yet. I'm at a crossroads and just need advice.

If you made it this far, thank you!