How to Start Over

Ok guys, I’m almost 19 years old. Ever since the pandemic, but tbh even before that, my relationship with Jesus has just become so far distant. I’m slowly falling more into what society wants me to be. I’m gonna straight up say it and I ask for no judgment but rather understanding, love and support. I’ve been struggling with masturbation and even porn from time to time and also just wanting to “have fun” bc everyone else around me is doing it. I know I don’t feel satisfied at the end of the day when I do these things like I tell myself I will be. And I know it’s because Jesus is the only one who can truly satisfy me. I want to change and I want to renew by relationship with God and build a stronger trust in him especially now of all times. With everything going on lately, I don’t know what to believe. All I see and hear on social media lately is “the end is near! The rapture is coming soon! All the signs are here” and honeslty sometimes I deny it and think they’re false prophets. Other times, I cant help but wonder if maybe we really are near the end times. I know that no one actually knows the day nor the hour, but regardless I think I need Christ now more than ever. My grandpa has leukemia, I’m surrounded by people who are just so Anti-Christ at college and I hate it. Everyone tells me the first step is to read God’s word through the Bible. But I think that’s my biggest flaw bc I’m awful when it comes to interpreting things. Is there some other type of way I can do this? Like videos reading scripture and explaining what its talking about? If anyone has any advice it’d be greatly appreciated.