I feel like I’m no use to anyone, not even myself, I’m so lazy and unproductive. My family constantly has to remind me to do the the most basic chores and I’m a whole ass adult already and I just can’t bring myself to clean here and there. There’s always a mess in my room and I know I need to clean and sometimes I do a little for a few days. But I always revert back to being a slob. Today I confirmed what I always thought, my family would be better if I wasn’t in the picture. They were all hanging out in the living room watching tv so peaceful and so I decide to join and within 5 minutes of me being there I get in an argument with my sister and my mom jumps in to put me down further. I’m so negative I’m sure I just bring out the worst in everyone atleast in my household. I wanna start therapy but my only option would be like over zoom or whatever and I don’t exactly have privacy either. I wouldn’t be comfortable talking about all my issues bc ik I’d be listened to and it’ll create more conflict with my parents. I wish I could move out but my job situation is not good. I wish I could talk to my friends but again no privacy, and I talk to my boyfriend when see him in the weekends but I can’t be always relying on him like that it’s just not fair. I don’t wanna be a burden to anyone and I can’t get better on my own this sucks, my brain sucks and I sometimes wish I didn’t make it past 18 like I really didn’t plan to make it this far. For a few years I was doing so good but lately I just don’t understand how I’ve made it to 22, I hate that I have bc it’s not like Ive gotten better I’m mostly in the same spot as I was 4 years ago. It feels like a waste. I literally have no drive to do anything most days I’m like an empty sack of sadness and negativity.