Girls help me build my confidence back up ❤

I am beyond hurt. I've been told I'm beautiful my entire life, by family, friends and even strangers. I've gotten many guys interested in me, asking me for my phone number. I've gotten a lot of compliments too. I was in a relationship that turned toxic, where my ex basically said he is ashamed to bring me out in public. I was crushed, and angry, and I had 0 self-confidence. Until I met... my fiance. He "helped me" and "saved me". I recently discovered that my fiance is a severe narcissist. We've been dating for 4 years.

So my fiance always commented on other girls, their faces, their bodies and their style. He's even told me how all of his exes were all prettier then me. How looks don't matter. Which is true, but... you don't say that to a girl when you are dating her. He crushed my self confidence to a completely new low. He would go to debth explaining how a celebrity, or a friend or some other girl is just perfect - her eyes are glowing, she has silk skin, she's drop dead gorgeous etc etc. Conversations like that lasted for more than 5 minutes (describing a single woman).

But when it was my turn to receive a compliment, no matter how much effort I put in, all I ever got was... you're fine, you look good to me, you're pretty in my eyes.

Then, multiple times he has said to me very proudly, that he saw an old friend (different friends) and that his friend be it male or female has commented why he is dating me since he is way out of my league, I look horrible, did he lower his standards, what happened to his eyesight etc. At first I thought that friend is stupid/mean, but the more it happened the more I believed that I am hideous.

He has asked if anyone ever told me i'm pretty/beautiful and proceeded to mock them/me because obviously they were polite/nice and lying and I was naive believing. If someone hit on me, he would tell me they are probably bored, have no standards for looks or mocking me.

Well, a couple of days ago, he told me: you look pretty in my eyes. So I asked him does he not think I'm pretty/beautiful in general? To which he replied... NO, you are not pretty/beautiful in general, you are only pretty to me. It was honestly the worst thing someone has ever said to me about my appearance. I was crushed.

I wanted to post here hoping you can help me build my confidence back up.

I know looks aren't everything. But as a girl who takes great care in her appearance feeling beautiful is important.

Please help me build my confidence so I can finally leave him.

Thank you ❤

(reply) I always believed I was beautiful. I wouldn't change anything about me (no lip fillers, no nose job you get the point, even though i am completely pro cosmetic surgeries, I don't plan on getting anything done myself). These comments hurt because they came from someone close who was supposed to build my confidence, not crush it. I want my partner/partners to find me attractive and beautiful. If a person on the street commented negatively I wouldn't feel affected by it. But these were built up over the course of 5 years.

I would love to post a picture, but I don't think it's appropriate. Maybe in the future, unrelated to this post. I wouldn't want anyone I know to know this horrible side of my fiance and our relationship.