Am I in the wrong?

Question

Need some outside perspective
Background
I just had a baby naturally (no Meds nothing) 7 weeks ago no tearing. I got the clear from the doc for sex at 4 weeks just waiting on my iud to come in so we need safe sex. I’m on maternity leave for another few weeks so it’s just me and lil babe we also have a 1 yr old. 
I have not wanted to have sex I’m breastfeeding and tired husband is back at work so i let him sleep and I take care of both kids at night. Last night we attempted we used spermicide lube and were going to use the pull out as well he does not like condoms. While doing the do I just honestly want to get it over with I’m touched out I’m exhausted and I do not feel attractive as of lately. He doesn’t want to finish until I get mine (easier said then done) and I’m like I’m good you can go... que the dramatics he tells me why have sex if I’m not into it, I let him know I’m doing it for him . He starts getting mad then saying why have a wife if I don’t want to have sex with him I’m not attracted to him and he might as well just be my roommate. At this point I’m over it I take the baby and leave the room and we haven’t talked yet. Should I be the one to apologize 1st? I did let him know how I feel and sex isn’t the same right now for me.

Answer

A) I think postpartum is hard for everyone. 
B) it took me a really long time in my marriage to realize that it doesn’t matter who apologizes first. If you feel that you have the need fo apologize, do it, regardless of whether or not he returns it (though I think he should mainly just for getting upset)
C) Everything you’re both feeling is completely normal. And I think it just wasn’t communicated properly which led to this

Answer

You are not obligated to feel normal and have your groove back, especially at this early stage of postpartum. I would suggest you find some articles on sexuality and physical changes you’re going through postpartum to show your husband. He also needs to learn some boundaries. You saying you do not want to orgasm is your choice. 7 weeks postpartum is such a hard time physically. If he thinks you’re a roommate because you’re not ready for sex right now, he needs to do some serious research on what your body is going through and how to handle it. It is tough on men, they don’t go through the same changes, but it does not help your relationship to try to grin and bear it. He needs to understand where you’re coming from. If he continues this route, he will push sex into becoming a chore and obligation, rather than a joy, for much longer than if he listens to your needs right now. Intimacy is so much more than sex and orgasms.

Answer

Just seems like a lot of tension right now. You need to be able to communicate with him what you’re feeling. It would be a turn off for me too if someone told me the only reason we were having sex was for me. He kind of lashed out, but he’s probably just frustrated. A man can’t fully understand what it’s like or the changes you’re going through, physically, emotionally, and even tiredness wise especially as you’re the one getting up at night with the kids and breastfeeding. So on top of not being fully able to understand and maybe your wording not being the best, there’s probably just normal sexual frustration he’s feeling. Communicate with him honestly and explain that while you do want to have sex with him and be intimate in that way, you’re exhausted and your body is still healing and adjusting back to normal. Even if you’ve received the all clear, from what I’ve read it takes your body 6 months to a year to fully heal and rebalance (which is why back to back pregnancies are strongly advised against). I’m sure once you can communicate openly things will get better as he will be able to understand a bit more of what you’re going through!

Am I in the wrong?

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