Change of mind.

About 2 days ago I posted about how I was in denial of keeping my baby because of my whole life situation especially relationship situation, today I’ve thought about it, I’ve thought that I shouldn’t go along with that procedure, my mind can NOT process that, at my first 8w ultrasound I finally seen the little nugget and I got so excited that I was laughing (my bd was there and he hugged me) , my next appointment at 12w I went alone because between that time period we wasn’t good on terms, i seen a baby and it was obviously so big on the ultrasound from the last time. I thought about this today and I know its love inside of me, there’s a beating heart inside thats gonna later look up to me to be it’s mother. My mind obviously was not in the right place the other day, so many emotions and the thought of hating my vagina or hating my body afterwards got to me or even worrying of what other people would think of my body afterwards. I can’t believe I was thinking so hard on that situation I almost scheduled an appointment, last night I went to bed crying because I didn’t know what to do anymore, I woke up a whole new person, I didn’t even wanna live but now I know I have to live for this human being that I made, even if they dont have a father figure in their life I will make the best promise to my child to give them the world no matter how MY world will be as long as my child is happy and loved I can care less of how my life is doing on the other side. I’m also a Christian and I don’t believe in taking life, I thank God for putting something so special in my life, and I thank him for changing my perspective, I would have done something I would regret. I will cherish this blessing no matter the hardships I have to go through. My next appointment is Monday and I’m praying my baby is okay in there, I feel so terrible for thinking that was something I wanted.