Announcing to sister in law with fertility issues?

Question

Hi so my sister in law who I’m very close with has had 3 miscarriages, many failed IUIs, and will be starting IVF very soon. She is a VERY sensitive person and I’m not sure how to tell her that I am pregnant. She said she’s going to start the IVF process Feb 5. Do I tell her before she starts the process or during? She has mentioned in the past that if I were to get pregnant she wouldn’t want me to tell her in person because she doesn’t know how she’d react? Any advice will do as to how/when to tell her. Thank you.

Accepted Answer

Text her. I suffer from infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss and here’s something like what I would like to hear:
Hey ::name::, I have some news that I know is sensitive for you. Please forgive me for sending this in a text but I wanted you to hear it from me and I wanted you to be able to process privately. ::husbands name:: and I are currently ___ weeks pregnant. You mean the world to me and I want you to be as involved as you’re comfortable. Please let me know how much or how little you would like me to share. I love you. 
Don’t expect an answer right away, and when she does respond don’t expect much. She may be distant for a long time, maybe all of your pregnancy. Best of luck and congratulations!

Answer

My oldest sister has struggled with infertility. She went through everything, every test possible, every pathway to try to conceive naturally, once all of those avenues were exhausted they began IVF. After following all of the rules and schedules that the doctors gave her she went in to have her eggs harvested, that’s when the real blow hit. 
She had 5 eggs left, we are meant to have millions, she had 5 left at the age of 32. The doctors stopped and said it’s far to risky, there isn’t enough eggs and we would rather not continue. 
While this was happening the rest of my family were all having kids like rabbits (I’m the youngest of 7). No one wanted to tell her, poor Monica was always left until last and it broke her heart every time, not because others were pregnant, because they were too scared to tell her. 
My husband and I found out in December we are expecting our first. We were both so excited and couldn’t wait to tell our families. The very first person we told was Monica! She was sooo over the moon and turned into the gushing Aunty that she is with the rest of the family. When we told her that she was the very first person to know, she cried and cried and cried. I’ve never seen her as happy as she was when we told her she was the first and not the last. 
I’m now 12W1 and Mon has been the best support person out of all family and friends. Sometimes she will ring other times just a simple message to see how I’m feeling and how things are progressing and keeping me motivated to continue studying.

Answer

If she doesn’t want you to say in person, then that kind of leaves text, or you could tell your brother and he could break the news to her. It’s going to sting no matter how she hears the news, but there’s no way around it now.

Answer

Idk I feel for her but you shouldn’t be afraid to share your happy news. I hope she’s supportive! She will probably be hurt on the inside but this is exciting for you! Shout it out! Don’t do it on her terms or when you think she will be okay with it. I mean I wouldn’t. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Answer

How many weeks are you? Can you wait until after IVF?

Answer

I would personally text her the news and acknowledge that it’s okay for her to feel whatever she needs to feel and that you are still going to be there for her through her IVF process. I don’t think there’s a perfect time to break the news.

Answer

Have her brother tell her, not you. 
She's more likely to be happy that her brother is having a baby, then you are. It's weird I know, but there's a lot of pain with infertility that doesn't make logical sense.

Answer

It should come from you, but in a text. No flowery language, no exclamations, no pictures. This will give her time to get her feelings together without having to fake happy out loud or in person. Just tell her that you know that she’s been going through a lot and want to give her whatever distance and time she needs, but that you wanted her to hear straight from you. Let her know that you’ll be there when she’s ready to talk and cheer her on for her cycle. I think the best option is to tell her before there’s the potential for anything to be going hugely wrong (don’t tell her after her cycle is over in case, it fails).

Answer

I suggest you tell her . Is better she learns it from you! You can tell her that you are feeling uncomfortable and you will not talk about it if she is not okay with it. Mostly, they appreciate it!

Answer

Hi there,
As someone who has had a miscarriage before finally getting that BFP, I say tell her. 
My sister got her BFP after my miscarriage and I was over the moon for her because I loved her unconditionally. She had a miscarriage at 9 weeks, and we were able to talk to each other about it. This last month is when I got my BFP, and I was terrified of telling her because I knew of what she went through less than a month ago. When I told her, she was so happy for me. I think that if someone loves you, they will be happy for you. 
Much love and good luck. ✨💕

Announcing to sister in law with fertility issues?

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