Okay yall, so my boyfriend and I are fighting and I honestly don't know if I'm wrong/how wrong I am.

My friend had a get together for her birthday this weekend, there were 4 people there not including myself and my best friend(she is my roomate). We were not social distancing. I know its not wise in these times, but I hadn't seen them in 3 months and I left when more people showed up. I know its insensitive for going out during covid and not socially distancing, I am not going back out for 2 weeks and will be getting a test to confirm that I'm negative before visiting anyone else. The people I met up with had either been tested or actually had covid a few months ago and have been cleared to see people again.

My boyfriend is furious at me for going. We live together so he swears he is scared for his life now. Normally, I would totally agree with his reaction. HOWEVER, I think its bullshit that he's SO mad because he is maskless at work everyday! During his lunch and breaks he eats with his coworkers and even hits their vape/gets cigarettes from them. We also visited his friends family maskless when we were out of town and I asked not to... there were way more people there. When I was debating whether or not to go I considered this, and figured if he gets to see his friends, eat and smoke with his coworkers, it shouldn't be a huge deal if I go to this small "party". He told me I was stupid for going, but I didn't take it seriously since he's been maskless around more people than that in the past week. I honestly think he was just trying to control me by making me stay home instead of going out. He swears even though he used to do that, he said he only got mad because he doesn't wanna get sick and lose his job.

Now he is being mean, he woke me up yelling this morning, bringing up a whole mess of other things that he is mad at me about. Bringing up me being in-between jobs(I still do delivery), not spending time with him on his day off(he was avoiding me like the plague), and basically a play-by-play of everything I did wrong this weekend and the past month.

I know I was literally wrong for going out and seeing friends in a pandemic and I do not think he is wrong for being upset about that. I just think it's wack because he doesn't hold himself to the same standards and feel like this is an old pattern of control. I also think it's wack that he feels like it's okay for him to be so volatile when he gets upset. I need to talk to him when he gets off work and tell him these things, I was just crying a lot when he woke me up yelling this morning cause I honestly don't want to be the wrong one, but thinking about it again I'm like, he doesn't get a free pass to lash out cause he's upset with me. I do want to cooperate and have a discussion if he has issues, I just don't know how much I should stand my ground? I crumble when he starts yelling and try to just make things better but I honestly don't think I was THAT wrong. When I brought up the fact that he shouldn't be maskless at work he said I shouldn't expect him to wear it after doing hard labor. I truly don't expect him to, but it just shows me he is not willing to hold himself accountable for his own behavior the way he would with me.

Sorry for the long winded post, I'm venting here, but I would appreciate feedback and productive points of view if there are any. I probably need a whole different post about his controlling patterns, our relationship, and my lack of communication tbh. We are already having a rough time because of our messy past. I just wish he would extend me the same patience and grace I have extended him many times before. 🤕😒