So I know my only permanent option is plastic surgery, but I have to make due with what I can for now. I absolutely hate my face and body. I wish I could just throw it away and start over.

Basically, I'm ugly. Simple as that. And I'm trying to find ways to look better until I can eventually get the procedures I want. I've been trying to lose weight for years since I gained it, but something is wrong with me internally, and I have some sort of lump in my belly, so I haven't even been able to lose weight. If I exercise I'm sick and in pain. Even walking is so painful. But I can't do anything about it, I have no insurance. I have even been dieting and only eat about 1000 calories a day, but have lost no weight AT ALL so I'm about to drop it to 800 or less a day. So I'm even having a hard time losing weight to look better.

I trymake up, but its like putting lipstick on a monkey, I'm not very good at it, I have a lot of skin sensitivities, nor can I afford the good stuff so it always look like crap because it's clumpy or doesn't match my skin tone.

I have unattractive features, like small eyes and a tight wrinkled chin, and I have always had a very fat chin. Even when I was thin I had a double chin. I always have awful dark circles around my eyes, patchy skin and the veins in my cheeks show. I honestly don't think I have any attractive features. I can't even do shit with my hair because it's to thin, and I have to keep it short or it starts to look kind of stringy once it gets passed my collar bone.

I'm so ashamed of my looks I don't even go to family functions with my husband because I don't want his family to know how ugly of a wife he has because my sisters in law are so gorgeous and skinny, and their hair is so long and pretty and they always get talked about and are the "prizes" of the family. I've literally had some of his family ask me when the baby was due or what happened to my eyes/face because of my dark circles, acne and how fat I am now. And they make jokes that I only ugly because I'm white, his family is all Hispanic. Even his brothers girls friend (aka another sister in law) is half hispanic, so they joke about thats why she is pretty and I'm not. And when I ask my husband to defend me he just says "its okay, I'm ugly too." Or "we're fat together."

I hate myself and my life and I just need some tips on how to improve it or to at least fake it until I eventually make it.