I really can’t handle criticism about this situation as it’s been really difficult. So, please if you have some rude smirk remark keep it to yourself. I’ve been in a 10 year relationship that was filled with red flags from the very beginning but I was only 16 years old when I met him and had zero wisdom. I had been spit on several times, cursed at, called “fat slag, short fat nightmare, everything everything you can think of.” Well, I’m 27 now and filled with wisdom. We have a 1 year old daughter and I don’t take shit anymore and if I could rewind time I would of left his ass years ago. Last year he choked two times, once in the bathroom baby was in the living room, choked me so hard I passed out and seized alittle bit, that has caused severe trauma and severe PTSD. He downplayed it constantly like it wasn’t that bad, I did hours of research of domestic violence and choking and how serious it is. Then again in October of 2020, he did it again...except it progressively got worse, I didn’t even have to be talking to him for him to lash out, just for him to be in a bad mood. He’s always been so angry and because of this we have zero communication skills with each other, I avoid conflict 100% with him, so I’ll keep anything to myself. When he choked me in October, I left a self defense wound on his face that he sulked and sulked about. “Look what you did to me” type shit. After he tried to essentially kill me. I’ve not been okay since that night. I’ve been walking on tip toes and severely traumatized by this incident and he knows this. We have a daughter that I REFUSE TO RAISE AROUDN SOMEONE LIKE THIS AND SOMEONE SO ANGRY! Starting in January I could tell he was working hard to not get so angry at things and be better. Well, I made a YouTube channel and it made him feel uneasy, ( he puts zero effort into anything, works part time, doesn’t strive) I work full time and now have started this YouTube channel because we need more income. Well, 2 nights ago, my daughter woke up around 3 am, I went and laid back in the bed and he says “ so who are you talking too” he always says stuff like this when he’s uneasy and thinks “someone” has convinced me to make this YouTube but I told him that it was HIM( cause he doesntmake enough money and I can’t work anymore hours, cause I watch my daughter at the same time) well it’s 3 am and i accidentally called him “bro” which I call my sister this and I was tired it slipped. He lost it, shoved my head repeatedly to the bed and when I got up to leave and go get my baby he kept pushing me down the hallway. I called the police. For the first time ever I called the police. He left, i went to my sisters. It’s over, I felt good, I left I did it. Told him we could co-parent and everything will be okay, but we’ll never be together again. Well, he told me that he doesn’t want our daughter if we are not “a family under the same roof” he cried and cried for me to come back and said that he would go therapy. Our daughter loves him so much, she loves her daddy so effing much and he has used her as a way to keep me under the roof. I told him I don’t want to be with him. He said then he doesn’t want to coparent then. So here I am, I cried the whole back here. Cried and cried. So, he’s going to work on things and go to therapy. Well it’s been 2 days and he’s out zero effort into finding a therapist, like I’m going to have to do it for him. I’m scared of him, I don’t feel safe with him, he is no longer my home. But he swear up and down that he loves me but just like I told him “LOVE DOESNT SHUV, he does not love me. I’m doing this for my daughter only and I told him that. He thinks I owe him affection, because I’m not an affectionate person. I can’t stand him touching me in anyway because I have constant flash backs of his hands around my neck and me blacking out. I don’t know what to do. I want her dad in my daughters life but he’s refusing if we’re aren’t together. It’s not fair. She didn’t do anything and she LOVES him.