I don't know how I lost myself. I'm beyond done with this marriage. I hear people say all the time how lesbians are happier then straight women and let me tell you. Gay relationships have there fair share of manipulative, abusive, toxic partners just like straight couples. I was 14 almost 15 when I met my wife. She was 20. She actually worked as a teachers assistant at my school and she was ny favorite and we texted outside of school. I understand it was wrong and I shouldn't have been messaging an adult while I was so young. We talked sexual but didn't do anything sexual until I was 18. She told me I jad to keep our relationship secret because I could get her in a lot of trouble. She had convinced me to sneak out to see her and stuff and even convinced me to run away to her when I was 16. The most we did before I was 18 was kiss. There was already a lot of manipulation there. She convinced me my parents didn't love me and she was the only one who cared. Sue would constantly say "Nobody loves you but me " Which is why I ran away. When I was 18 when my mom had eventually found out about our relationship and how long it had been going on. She threatened to report it to the police and I told her I would say nothing happened between us. It caused a huge rift in me and my moms relationship. I told my mom she didn't love me and I hated her. Then I left and moved in with my wife and three days later we got married. I broke my mom's fucking heart and I haven't spoken to my mom in nearly 7 years. The last 4 years was because I wasn't allowed to. My wife wouldn't let me reconnect with my family to the point she actually pulled a knife on me. She tracks me now with Life360 to make sure and I have specific times I'm allowed to use my phone. Now I know many will think I was stupid to have children with her, but I did. We have a 3 year old and almost 1 year old and they are my life. I do not regret my children at all. Biologically they are hers but I've adopted both. Our children is actually the reason I'm afraid to leave. We live in a very conservative state. If we lived somewhere more tolerant like maybe California, I would have more of a fair chance at joint custody. However since we live here I'm scared they will just give me visitation since I'm not the biological mom. Just adopted. They still have to give me rights, but it could go very unfairly. I'm trying to save up for a lawyer. The tipping point was when she grabbed our 3 year old daughter really rough just because she dropped her cup. She was crying and she could have really hurt her. I told her to stop and she started cursing at me and saying how I'm not her real mom and I'm just a waste of space. Thw kids are crying and she tells them to shut up. I just pack the kids in the car and she stands behind the car to keep me from leaving. I had to drive through our lawn to get around her. She throws a brick at the car and it shatters the car back window. I stop the car to check on the kids because there's class everywhere and I call her a psycho. She starts running after the car and I just start driving and end up at a motel.. me and the kids are at a motel right now and I'm trying to figure everything out.. I turn off Life360 and she has been spamming me with messages. I want out of this marriage but I ain't leaving without my kids. I have no where I can turn to though. She made me push everyone out of my life. I don't even know if I can turn to my mom. We haven't talked in almost 7 years and I dont think she has any idea I have kids. Idk if anyone knows what I can do but if you do please tell me