*Trigger warning- miscarriage talk*

I lost my first baby at 10 1/2 weeks, over 5 years ago. I’m now 7 weeks 2 days with my miracle rainbow baby, and as ecstatic as I am about new life I’m carrying...I am absolutely beside myself with worry. I’ve had light brown spotting off and on for 2 weeks and my doctor says there’s nothing to worry about, but I absolutely cannot shake the fear that I’ve lost this one too. Or will farther down the line. When I’m at work (on light duty) I’m okay, but when I’m resting at home I pretty much just cry. All the time. I try to not even think about it, to distract myself with my hobbies but my mind always wanders back to fear for my little tadpole. I can’t fall asleep cause I’m always so afraid I’ll wake up to a miscarriage. The one I lost 5 years ago was an unmistakable miscarriage- unbearable pain, blood like a river, but I still absolutely cannot shake the fear that something is wrong with this one.

I am a Methodist by faith and am in pretty much constant prayer. I wish I could let go of the dread and fear and just trust God, but man, it’s hard.

I have a video appointment on the 9th with my OB and I’m probably just gonna bawl my eyes out to her about all my fears and get extremely embarrassed. I’m hoping she can get me in for an ultrasound and to hear the heartbeat soon- I’ll be 8 weeks at my appointment.

Sorry for the rant, but is anyone else absolutely mentally breaking down over the fear? Sometimes I feel like I can barely stand it. 😔